Living on borrowed light...

Resurrection.

~I was in and out of consciousness, only seeing and hearing periodically. I heard Ted talking, and struggling and I felt myself being moved. Things skipped and I looked up to see Ted driving from the back seat, and saw his hand behind him reaching out to hold onto me. I groaned and he looked back at me, I spoke softly. " Ted... I'm sorry." He looked back and fourth from me and the road, he looked nervous, he said my name and it echoed in my head as I fell back into unconsciousness. I woke up again to him pulling me out of the car, we were at my house,he leaned it to help me out and I tried my best to work with him, but my body felt heavy and clumsy, I was trying to get up and walk but I stumbled as my foot caught the edge of the door on the way out, thankfully he caught me and pulled me up so my feet were back on the ground. I looked at him and my head felt like a balloon, he shook his head and said something but I didn't quite catch it, god my head hurt so bad, this is exactly how I felt when I had my concussion many years ago. He reached into my pocket and pulled out my keys, then picked me back up and carried me to my front door, he put me down only to unlock the door then picked me back up. Once we were inside he shut the door and locked it after putting me down again, still holding on to my waist. I was looking at him, and spoke. "Ted... I don't feel good." I wrapped my other arm around him and pulled myself to him, nuzzling my face into his neck. He gently cradled my head in his hand and spoke softly. " I know, lets get you cleaned up, you'll feel better" He chuckled. "Funny how the rolls have reversed..." I sighed, "Ted... Please kiss me." He pulled away only to be able to lock eyes with me, he looked tired and sad. He went to brush the hair out of my face but hesitated, " You're pretty banged up Autumn..." I whispered. " Please..." He leaned forward and kissed me softly, trying not to put too much pressure onto me. Sighing he pulled away, " Alright let's get you upstairs." Keeping his hand around my waist he walked me to the stairs, " Think you can do the steps?" I hummed a yes, and up we went slowly.  Eventually we got to my bathroom and he set the toilet seat down before he gently sat me down. He held my shoulders, " You alright to sit here without falling?" I reached up to touch his face, as I looked up at him through tired eyes. He paused, just letting me feel him. " Yeah you cracked your head good, you're really groggy and grabby." He laughed, I smiled weakly and whispered. " I love you... I'm sorry." He smiled and shook his head. " Never mind it Autumn. In hindsight if I were you I'd probably of had the same reaction. Well, minus the trip down a ledge head first." He winked at me and I laughed, which hurt my head.  I groaned and let go of him,  holding onto my head with one hand and bracing myself with the other on my knee. He sighed in empathy and began to run the water, " Autumn, I'll be right back,v please  don't move until I do." He kissed my cheek softly and ran down stairs, within no time he was back with a glass of water and medication. It was advil, I willingly took the pills and the water, trying to drink as much as I could. He shut the door and checked the water, " It's perfect temperature. Are you ready?" I hummed a yes trying not to nod. He wrapped his arms around my waist and under my arms, pulling me up slowly. I pulled at my shirt and he helped me, then helped me take of my pants pulling them off my feet as I held onto the counter. He stood up and looked over all the bruises and cuts in a way that looked he felt guilty.  Sighing he helped me into the bathtub, slowly helping me lay down in it.  Once I was comfortable he pulled away to get a washcloth and returned. He knelt down on the bathmat and began to roll up his sleeves revealing that soft dark arm hair that I loved so much, then dunked the washcloth in to the water. " I was watching him through slightly hazy eyes, god he was so handsome. He talked softly, " This might hurt but we need to get the blood and dirt off of you so you don't get any infections." He softly put the wash cloth onto the gash on my head I winced. " Sorry sorry..." I was looking up at him watching him concentrating on getting my wounds clean. I whispered softly without much thought. " You're so handsome..." He looked down at my face instead of my head for a moment and laughed, his face slightly reddening, he replied softly. " Well thank you Autumn, you're a bit out of it aren't you? You most likely have a concussion." I cleared my throat and spoke again. " Yeah, this is how I felt last time I had one." He nodded and spoke, " Ah I see, mind sharing how that happened?"  I smiled weakly, " Well, wonderful Canadian weather, slipped on some ice and my head hit the ground pretty hard."  Ted winced at the thought. Talking about my last concussion reminded me of a medical kit I had. " Ted, in the cabinet above the toilet there is a medical kit, maybe it could be of use?" He nodded, " Yeah we will make use of that after we get you cleaned and dried off." He leaned down and kissed me softly as he dunked the cloth in the water again. Sighing he continued to run the water along the blood that had stained my skin and was stuck to my hair. Sighing I sat forward and his hand was on my back bracing me as I did, I wrapped my arms around my legs. He rang out the water from the cloth along my back which elicited a moan of comfort from my mouth. After many dunks and rinses of the cloth he had  finally cleaned off all the blood and dirt, he took one last quick glace to look me over when he picked a twig out of my hair. " I don't suppose you need a tooth pick do you?" We both chuckled, then I replied. " No thank you.'' Nodding with a smile he tossed it away. He looked back at me feeling satisfied with how I was looking and spoke. " Are you ready to come out now or did you want some more hot water to soak in for awhile?" I shook my head gently and told him  wanted to come out. Within no time he had gotten me out and helped me dry off then wrapped the towel around me.  He reached up to the cabinet pulling out the kit before taking me to my room. We walked slowly, and thankfully I was finally starting to feel better. Walking into my room I thanked him softly, he assured me everything was alright before he gently placed me onto the bed, then put the kit beside me. He was leaning over, looking over all the things that were in the kit when I looked up at him and saw that he was soaked, " Ted... You're totally soaked." He laughed looking down at his shirt, " Yeah the water kept running down my arms, but it's not a problem." reached out without thinking and pulled at his shirt, he just about lost his balance which made us both laugh. "Autumn, seems you're always trying to get me naked lately." He stood back up and began taking off his shirt, tossing it into my hamper. I was staring and I knew it but I didn't care. He paused watching me watch him, " That's one of the looks I adore on your face the most Autumn, when you look at me like you can barely keep your hands off me and the other is when you look at me like I'm everything. You make me feel like I really mean something."  He sat beside me and looked over the gash on my head, I was blushing, but I was too tired to care. He pulled out butterfly bandages and stuck them to my head, pulling the skin together. I winced in pain but didn't move, I spoke softly. " Ted... When are we going to talk about... Everything." His movements froze for a moment, then he continued fixing me up. "Well... If you promise not to run off a ledge this time... We could talk right now"  I sighed, feeling the knots in my stomach returning from the reality of the truth that was now out in the open. He spoke again, " I'm almost finished up here, then we can lay down and talk alright?" I agreed and waited for him to finish once he did I gently got up as not to jostle my head to much. Ted went to brace me but didn't once he saw I was steadier on my feet. " Think you're alright now?" Looking around I felt more confident. " Yeah actually I think I'll be alright."  he was walking over to his side of the bed, now undoing his belt, when he responded. " Glad to hear it. Well if you don't mind I'm going to get comfortable now."  I smiled, walking over to my mirror on the back of my door. " Okay, thank you, for helping me."  He just chuckled as I was looking myself over, I took the brush from my dresser and ran it through my hair gently. I winced and set it back down once I was done, still looking myself over I dropped the towel to the ground. I could really see the damaged that had been done. Thankfully I didn't break my leg like I thought, but I was badly bruised, I must of just hit a nerve real hard. I saw cuts and bruises all up my body, but the gash in my head looked the worst I went to touch it when Ted interjected, he had been watching me the whole time. " Don't touch it Autumn, you might disturb the bandages and increase the risk of infection." I looked back at him and smile sheepishly when I saw he had gotten fully undressed and under the covers. We were fully naked in front of one another, in more ways than one. I walked over to him slowly and slipped under the covers, I had to move real gingerly in order to keep my head from hurting. Sighing I moved close to Ted wanting to feel the warmth of his skin on mine, he held his arm up as I laid my head on his chest. Once I was comfortable he wrapped it around me. He spoke, his chest vibrating underneath me when he did. " Are you ready to talk? and are you sure you really want to?" I replied softly, " I don't think one could ever really be ready for the conversation we're about to have but, I'm as ready as I'll ever be.." I  heard him take a deep breath, " Well, what do you wish to talk about first?" This still didn't feel real to me, like none of it was true, but even so I decided to go the easiest route first. " What should we do about... This pregnancy."  He didn't talk at first, instead he gently sat me back up so he could read my facial expressions. He looked at me with furrowed brows then spoke, " Autumn, I don't mean to be offensive but are you sure its mine you really didn't have that oaf in your bed while we were apart?" I sighed, slightly hurt. " No Ted, you're still the only person I've ever been with." He nodded, " Well I have to admit, even though we played Russian roulette, hearing you say that you're pregnant with my child takes my breath away..." I looked down at my hands, feeling a sadness welling up in my chest, I didn't like being in this position and I'm sure he didn't either, I was feeling guilty. He spoke softly, " Why are you looking away from me Autumn? When you look at your hands its either because you're being shy or you're upset..." I shook my head gently still feeling the pain and looked up at him. "  I never meant for us to be faced with this decision, its just... The feeling of you is so overwhelming and the craving of your body is deep. I was reckless and now I've put us in a rough position... I don't really know what to do but we are running out of time..." He leaned closer to me and pulled my chin up gently. " Autumn, it wasn't just you in this, it takes two. So don't feel guilty." I brushed my hair behind my ear, the haziness of my head injury was beginning to subside enough for things to begin setting in. How could a man who went out at night prowling on innocent unsuspecting women be so... Gentle, kind, and loving. It didn't make sense to me, it was terrifying. In my mind it was like he was two people, and I didn't know which one was real. One was the loving person I knew, and the other a monster. I took a shuddering breath in and looked at him. As I searched his face all I saw was how much I loved him, I found it hard to see anything else. My time apart from him greatly impacted me, I knew I should hate him and as scared as I was,  I couldn't bring myself to. I could tell by the non-verbal response on his face that he knew what I was thinking. He spoke in a low tone. " Autumn... As I think about this more, and seeing how you've reacted.. I'm going to need you to keep me and.." He paused and took in a breath. " My sickness, separate... I really don't want you to know the details and quite frankly you don't need to, it's better off this way."  My stomach turned and I felt the blood in my body running cold again at the thought of his nightly escapades. The missing women on the news, the woman at the carnival. Finally I found my words, I spoke in a whisper. " But I have so many questions..." He took my hand and ran his fingers along the bruises and cuts on my arms. But his response became less gentle this time, his eyes went from my skin to my eyes. " So do I Autumn, I kid you not, I myself don't quite understand everything. But you already know enough. Like I said, it is better this way." I sighed and tried my best to push away the persistent thoughts and questions that were lingering in my mind. " Remember who I am, to YOU."  his fingers were leaving goosebumps in their wake. Even as battered and bruised as I was, I was still so weak to his touch. Those familiar flames began welling up inside me as he leaned in and kissed me.  There was something about him that made me utterly weak. With every touch, every kiss, even his presence, the world paused for awhile. ~ [ Probably will be editing and re-editing, not sure what route to go with this yet thanks for reading ]