Right Side Up

Eighteen

Every time the phone rings, I shake.

Every time the doorbell chimes, I jump.

Every noise makes me look over my shoulder.

Every shadow I see enter the window of my house makes it hard to breathe.

Living, knowing that he is still out there, has become very difficult.

I am constantly uneasy. I am terrified. I live in constant fear that he is coming for me and my family. I feel like I am as far away from myself as I have ever been.

I don't feel sane anymore.

I need to talk to someone about this. The longer I keep it bottled up, the worse it is going to get for me.

"Ty?" I ask, wandering into our bedroom.

"Yeah?" He asks, lifting his eyes out of the book he was reading.

"Never mind." I turn out of the room, suddenly feeling uneasy about admitting my feelings to him.

"Avery," he calls for me. "Come back please."

I turn around and lean in the doorway. "What?"

"Don't pretend like you don't know why I called you back in here. Clearly you were going to say something. What is it?"

I stare at him, trying to hold back tears as his eyes lock on to mine.

"Come sit on the bed with me, please." He sits up and pats the blanket beside him. He holds me when I join him on the bed. "What's wrong Avery? Please talk to me. You've been so distant lately and I've been trying to give you your space but I just can't take it anymore."

I cover my face with my hands. I don't want him to see me like this.

"I'm constantly anxious Tyler. I don't feel safe or comfortable anymore. I don't think I will ever get back to being myself. Even if he does get locked up again. I feel like I've strayed far away from anything remotely close to my old self." I try to explain. I can't fully put into words how I can feeling though. I wish I could.

He nods slowly.

"And with all of this going on, the hardest thing for me to deal with is feeling like I'm losing you." I add.

Tyler sits straight up, releasing me and moving to a place where I can see his face better. "You aren't losing me Avery. I promise. I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere remember?"

"You can say that but who is to say that when I go insane from everything that is happening, that you won't be scared away."

"I am."

"I'm not the person you fell in love with anymore. You didn't propose to this girl. She's gone now and she's never coming back."

"Maybe that is for the best then. Because despite what you may think, I am in love with you despite the fact that you've changed." He grabs my legs and rubs them comfortingly. "Besides, your body will go back to normal after the baby is here. You don't have to be worried about that."

I shake my head and push his hands off of my legs. He doesn't understand me anymore. I feel like whenever I talk, he's only half listening.

"Tyler, this is so much bigger than the baby weight I've gained. I'm talking about my mental health here." I explain to him.

"Oh, well, I think you're beautiful either way. As long as you're fine, I'm fine."

Sometimes, I feel like I am talking to a wall.

"No Tyler. I'm not fine." I scoff.

"What do you mean you're not fine? We just talked and I told you I loved you no matter what. What else is there to fix?" He asks.

"Did you not listen to a single word I just said? There's a lot going on Tyler. Did you forget my dad is on the run? And did you also forget that he has tried to kill me and might come back and try again? Have you stopped to consider that maybe that fact is why I'm upset?" I shake my head. "I just told you that I was anxious and uncomfortable and you immediately thought I was talking about the baby and not my escaped convict of a father."

"So now you're mad at me?" He asks, pointing to himself.

"Well now I am! You're not listening to me at all! Why wouldn't I be mad at you Tyler?"

"Babe, you've got to calm down." He holds his hands in front of his body defensively.

"I don't want to calm down Tyler! I want to be happy in this relationship and my life!"

Tyler lowers his hands to his sides. "How can I make you happy then?"

I stare at him, needing to think about what to say next. I need to make sure I want to do this. I stand up. He follows. I grab the diamond ring on my finger and hand it to him.

"You can leave."

He stares at me, stunned for a moment. "But-"

"You asked how you could make me happy. And I answered. Now go. Please." I hold back my tears despite how much these words are killing me inside.

He stares at the engagement ring in the palm of his hand and closes his fist around it before opening his mouth to speak.

"Please don't make this any harder than it has to be Tyler. Please." I bite my lower lip as the tears begin to fall.

"I just wanted to be here for you." He turns and leaves, wiping his tears away from his eyes.

I sit on the bed once he is out of sight and I cover my face again.

I can't believe I just did that.

Author's note: I literally had no idea what to write for this chapter and this is what I came up with so... I'm sorry. I had not had a breakup planned for these two but after much consideration, I feel like Avery has grown out of Tyler and she just needed to move on at this point.

Also, I needed a bit of drama so it wouldn't be a dry chapter... maybe he'll be back in the future. I guess it would depend on how you guys feel about him?

Also, it's about to get real... hang in tight for these boring filler chapters for a bit longer and it'll pay off I promise!