I Hate You, I Love You

Chapter 5: "It hurts me every time I see you"

Beginning of 2018

For some odd reason, Cassie was insistant on getting me to this place by six. I didn't get it. She kept asking me what I was wearing, and making me change. "This is really starting to get annoying." I said, protesting the forth outfit change she was making me go through. "Itll all be worth it if you would just do what I say." she said. After one more change, she approved what I was wearing and we got into the car. "I would still like to know where it is your taking me." "Youll know soon enough, it isn't that far of a drive. Just be patient."

We pulled up to a little restaurant that looked like it had one too many cars out front. "Okay, what is going on?" I asked her. "What?" Cassie replied, trying to conceal her smile. "I'm bringing you to dinner, whats the big deal?" I raised an eyebrow at her. "Im not buying this. But okay, lets go in." We got out of the car, walked inside and everyone turned to face me. SURPRISE! They yelled. Cassie hugged me. "Did you think I was going to let your ten years sober day go by without some kind of celebration?" she asked me. I rolled my eyes. "This is a little much. I just wanna go get my chip. That's it. I don't need you to make a big deal out of it." "But Livie, its a huge deal! Ten years!" 

I knew it was a big deal. I never thought I would make it here. I finally got my life in order. I'm selling real estate, mostly commercial stuff. I'm making a pretty decent living, no more dead end jobs and living paycheck to paycheck. I'm single, but I really didn't care about that. I had my health, my best friend, a great job, and my family. I was so happy. Marshall did cross my mind from time to time. I did still buy his albums and listen to him mature through the years. When he stepped out of the spotlight I worried. I came close to driving to his house a few times. I still loved him and longed for him. But I left. I didn't much see me making my way back into his ife now. How would that make me look?

"Livie!" Cassie came over to me, pulling me back into the moment. "Someone is here I thought you might want to say hello to." My councelor from rehab came up to me and hugged me. "Olivia, I'm so happy to be invited to such a momentous occasion.  Congratulations." "Thanks." I replied. She handed me a small black box and when I opened it, there was my ten year chip, but it was more like a coin. "Wow." I said. It was heavier than I was expecting. But I had to pick it up and hold it. "Thank you." I said, hugging my councleor again. "Keep up the great work, Olivia." she said and walked back to her table to sit. I looked at Cassie who had tears in her eyes. "Cass." I said, "Its okay, don't cry." She hugged me and said "Ten years ago I never thought you would get here. But I'm so glad you did and I'm so proud of you, Livie."

After the party, Cassie dropped me off at home. I put the box with my coin in it on the desser and went to take a shower in preparation for work tomorrow. I was showing a studio property in downtown Detroit to someone who works for Interscope records. I showered and went to bed, since I had to meet them at eight AM.

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We came out of the studio and I locked it behind me. "Well, what did you think? I hope it meets all of your needs." The man nodded. "I think it will work nicely. My client is looking for something a little closer to his home and I think this will work perfectly. I will go ahead and get the paperwork drawn up for the purchase. Later this afternoon I'll send the client and his manager to come have a look before I actually buy it. Does that work for you?" "Absolutley." I said. "Can we do around two? I have a meeting at one that should be over by then." The man nodded. "I think I can make that work. I'll contact them, and they will see you then. Thanks again Ms.?" "Um, just call me Olivia." I replied. "Alright. Thanks Olivia." We shook hands and I headed off for the office hoping to make it in time for my meeting.

After my meeting I got a call from an unknown number. "Olivia?" the voice asked. "Speaking." "Yeah, I'm the manager for the client at Interscope. I'm standing here outside the studio space. Are you here yet?" Shit. I'm late. "Um, no. But there's a spare key to the building in the mailbox I left for you. You and your client can have a look, but I think it's exactly what you're looking for. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes." There was a pause and I hoped I wasn't losing this sale. "No problem. See you shortly." We hung up and I raced over to the studio.

When I got there a man who looked oddly familiar came out of the front door. I got out of my car and greeted him. "Hello, Mr.?" "Rosenberg." he replied, and I felt my heart drop. The man did just become CEO of another record company, but for a split second I thought he may have had Marshall with him. "Rosenburg? You don't remember me do you? Olivia. I was friends with Marshall for the longest-" "Olivia?!" he said when he realized who I was. "Wow. You're looking healthy. Are you-?" "Clean?" I asked. "Yeah, just celebrated ten years actually, yesterday." Paul smiled. "Good for you. Marshall is about to do the same. In a few months." I was relieved. "I've been following his career, maybe not as closely as I should have. I worried about him a lot." 

Just then the studio door opened again. "Hey Paul, this should do fine. Call up-." Marshall stopped mid sentence when he saw me. I know he knew who I was. He hadn't changed much. He had slimmed down and buffed up a little. He was hot. Which was weird of me to say because I always loved his personality, not so much into his looks. He had grown a beard, which also really suited him. Paul kept looking from him to me, waiting for one of us to say something. "Okay Marshall, I see you may have some catching up to do. Olivia, were gonna buy this place. Marshall is about to go on tour, but he will get a lot of use out of it. We may even need it before he goes. How long do you think it will take paperwork to go through?" I shook my head slightly. "Um, paperwork, right. I'll call the rep from Interscope I saw earlier today and we'll get it moving. Maybe in the next day or two if everything goes well." Paul nodded and walked away. Marshall began to approach me.

"Livie?" he asked, stunned. "In the flesh." I said. "Look at you, you grew a beard! What did you do? Forget how to shave?" I started laughing and Marshall smirked. "No actually, smartass." he said. "I just wanted to see if I could do it. Its nice right?" I looked into his eyes and said "Yeah, it suits you quite nicely, actually." Marshall smiled. "So? How have you been?" "Clean." I said. "Ten years yesterday." "Well congratulations." he said. "You kind of gave me the kick in the ass I needed to get clean myself. I mean, I did it for my kids, but you really talked some sense into me and made me see that I did have reasons to pick myself up and quit being so damn sorry for myself." I smiled. "I'm so glad to hear you say that. I mean, it broke my heart to walk away from you when I felt like you needed me the most." I cleared my throat to keep the lump from forming in it. "Well, on a happier note." Marshall began, "we're here now. Were healthy and happy and I don't wanna lose you again. So how about give an old friend your number?" He side eyed me and I had to laugh again. "Okay, since you asked so nicely." I took his phone and put my number in. "Text me or something so I'll have yours okay?" He nodded. "Look, when this sale goes through I'm sure there will be some kind of party. I want you to come through. No alcohol because I'm important and I'm sober." He winked and I giggled again. "Okay. Maybe we can-" "Good. Because I think my girl will wanna meet you." My mind went blank. Did I just hear him say he has a girlfriend? "Um, girl?" I repeated. "Yeah, we haven't been dating long, but she's a good woman." I felt my heart ache again. "Um, yeah, sure. I'll meet her, I guess." Marshall smiled. "Good. It was really nice to see you Livie. I'm glad we crossed paths again." I smiled and watched him walk away. He remembered everything I said to him back then.

I would be lying if I said I didn't shed a few tears on the drive back to the office. I had to stay a little later to get the paperwork sped up so that Marshall could have his studio. He had a girlfriend. But of course, right? I mean, he is handsome and successful and I don't know why I thought he would just stay single and wait for me. Why does it hurt me every time I see him?