I Hate You, I Love You

Chapter 7: "I realize how much I need you"

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. This was unusual for the time of day, and giving it was a Saturday. I was surprised to see it was Marshall. "Hello?" I answered, although I don't know why. "Hey, Livie. Are you busy?" I thought for a second. "Depends. What do you want?" "Damn!" he said, "that burned from here! I just want to talk. About last night." I knew this was probably a bad idea. "Fine I guess. No, I'm not planning to go anywhere." "Okay cool. I'll be there in about thirty minutes." We hung up and I got up to make myself presentable.

Marshall showed up in exactly thirty minutes. He knocked on the door and I went to answer it. He was standing there with a small bouquet of daises, which surprised me. "You didn't have to bring me kiss ass flowers." I said giggling. "They're not kiss ass flowers, thank you." he said, also laughing. "I just didn't wanna show up empty handed." "They're pretty, thanks." I walked into the kitchen and got a vase out from under the sink. I began to fill it up with water and I sat the flowers in it, putting the whole vase on my small dining room table. "You seem to be doing pretty damn well for yourself." he said looking around. "I don't make a rappers salary, but I don't do too bad." I said, lightly punching him on the arm. He smiled at me, making me feel a little more at ease and melting away the tension. 

We sat on my couch, and he began to speak. "Look, I thought about what you yelled at me last night," I looked up at him, trying to give him my most sorry expression. "You don't need to apologize." he said, "but I don't know how to say this, so please don't get mad until I finish." he said, and I agreed. "Its just that, when I'm with you I think of all those years ago. I mean, it wasn't always bad, but I was in a really fucking dark place. I hate to say you remind me of that, but we did the fucking drugs together. So-" I reached over and grabbed his hand, stopping him mid sentence. "I get what you mean. I would be lying if I said I never thought about those moments when I'm with you. But I want the chance to make new memoires with you. I would love to show you how you're supposed to be treated. But you have to let me." He gently pulled his hand away from me. "Livie, if it were that simple I wouldn't be having this conversation with you right now." "Marshall, you don't understand what you mean to me." I said, trying my best not to cry. "I thought about you the whole time I was in rehab. There was never a moment I didn't. I missed you so much. You should have saw me when Cass told me you had overdosed. I almost tore the place down." I smiled remembering it. "Then I saw you. Oh my god, I have never hurt so much. I wanted to help you. To watch you-" I couldn't hold in the tears. Remembering him taking those pills just weeks out from an overdose that almost killed him killed me inside. Marshall hugged me. "But I made it." he whispered. "I'm here, somehow, I survived all of it. I don't know if I can be with someone who reminds me of all that stuff, Livie. That's what I'm trying to say. I got a lot of fucking people looking to me to stay clean." I pulled back from his embrace. "You think I would jeopardize your sobriety?" I asked him. "Well, no. I'm saying I don't know if I can take dealing with all the memories that come with being with you." I was beginning to lose hope. "I'm not gonna lie to you, I've considered it." he began again. "I thought about looking you up and seeing if we still had something, but I figured there was no way someone as beautiful and smart as you was still single." I felt myself blush.

I slid closer to him still in our spot on the couch. "Marshall, you are all I've wanted all this time. You're all I've needed. I wish you would have given me a chance to show you." This time, he kissed me and I was totally in shock. "Wait." I said, pulling away. "Your girlfriend?" he rubbed his beard for a second. "Truthfully, I need to break up with her." he said. "I may have told you a lie about how great our relationship is. Actually, she told me to never talk about you again." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that so?" I asked. He nodded. "Well, lets give you something to not talk about."