I Hate You, I Love You

Chapter 8: "You want her, you need her, and I'll never be her"

It had been a few days since Marshall and I hooked up at my place. Immediately after, I was on cloud nine. I felt like he had finally acknowledged how I have been feeling for at least ten years. But this feeling of walking on air began to subside when I didn't immediately hear back from him. After one day I didn't think too much of it. After two days, I began to wonder. But I also knew how he got when he started working on something. So I figured he just got busy. However, after three days, no texts, phone calls, letters or emails, I was beginning to feel pretty shitty. 

I was at work, on my lunch break. I figured I would take this time to call him. "Hey, Livie." he answered after a few rings." "There you are. I was just about to put out a APB for your ass. Where have you been?" He paused for a minute and I knew he was moving into a place no one could eavesdrop on him. That's when I got a bad feeling in my stomach. "Look, I'm sorry I kinda vanished. I didn't mean to." he said. "That's okay. I'm just happy to hear from you. But what's going on?" He got quiet again. "Marshall? Tell me whatever it is." I said, fully prepared for the worst. "Well, she found out about the other night at the party." Marshall began. "Apparently someone saw us. Anyways, she was pretty upset. I couldn't just dump her right there." I wasn't so sure I was buying his story. "This happened as soon as you got home the other day?" I asked him. "Yeah. But look, I meant what I said to you and I still plan to end it." "Yeah, okay Marshall." I said, it kind of just slipped out. "What? You don't believe me?" he asked. I wasn't sure what I believed. But I knew it had been three days and he's got nothing different to tell me. "I don't know." I started to say. "Look, I care about both of you. I wouldn't tell you I was going to do something and then not do it. I'll just wait a day or two then do it." he explained. "Another couple of days of not hearing from you? Marshall, either you want me or you don't." "Of course I fucking want you. Just be patient. Please Livie?" he asked. He used that smooth voice he liked to use when he wanted to get his way. He knew I had a soft spot for him. "Fine. But you should at least text me and let me know you're okay." "Alright, I will do what I can."

After work that evening, I had to go out of my way home because of a detour. I had stopped at a stoplight and when I looked over at the restaurant to my left I saw Marshall and the girl from the party walking out together. They were arm in arm and having a conversation about something. They looked so happy. Like they were enjoying each other and it was so effortless. I felt the familiar pain in my heart again. Tears began to roll down my face. I heard a horn honk behind me, and realized traffic had already moved in front of me. So I pulled off. 

When I got home, I sent Marshall a text. "Hey. Saw you with the girl who you claim to want to dump. You looked so happy. Don't bother. I wont contact you anymore." I threw my phone down in the floor of my car and cried hysterically. What have I gotten myself into?