BAD REPUTATION.

07

Judd Kid

My teeth feel like they are about to fall off.

For the past one week, I've gone through six m&m packets.

I have been suffering through the worst case of withdrawals.
I can't even count how many times I've spent the whole night bend over the toilet bowl heaving and throwing up.

I'm partially grateful to grandmother Veronica, because she's been doing all she can for me.
Although I could see she was scared off her wits when the seizures hit me or when I screamed at her to leave me alone, she's been relentless in telling me that I will make it through.

She's force-fed me soup, water and helped me shove m&ms in my mouth when my hands could barely hold anything because my whole body was shaking like a twig during a tonardo.

Although I'm grateful for her, I'm not happy with her.
She's practically a stranger and she's witnessed my most vulnerable moments.

Now that I'm feeling slightly better, I'm ashamed to face her.
My ego can't take her judgement.

As I brush my teeth, I cringe at how expensive my dental care is about to be.

I have decided that today I'm feeling good enough to venture into town. Maybe I'll find something that can keep me distracted until I forgot the taste of MDMA.

★★★★★★★

I was hoping to avoid grandmother, but I find her in the dining room, with breakfast laid out in front of her.

She raises her head from the book she's reading and looks at me with a concerned expression."Good morning Judah. How are you feeling?come join me for breakfast, you've lost weight."

Her concerns about my weight put me in a sour mood."I'm fine and many times do I have to tell you my name is Judd?" I plop in the chair opposite of her.

She smiles a small tight smile at me "I prefer Judah. Judd is not a Christian name."

"I'm not a Christian," I mumble,"so my name is Judd."

She ignores me."Let's say the grace."

"What grace?" I ask stupidly.

She sighs, a long suffering sigh that says I'm already spoiling her day.

"Let's give thanks to God for this wonderful breakfast."

I narrow my eyes to small slits.

"Oh, you mean like pray?" I ask quizzically.

"Yes."

I fold my arms across my chest,lean back in my chair and watch her keenly waiting for her to pray.

She makes what I think is the sign of the cross,bows her head and says,"Thank you Lord for this bright and beautiful day.
Thank you for delivering my grandson from the chains of evil. Thank you for the meal laid out infront of us,Blesss it as we partake, Amen."

She opens her eyes to find me staring at her.

"So how are you feeling?" She asks me with a hopeful expression, like she wants me to tell her that a miracle has occurred and I'm feeling as fresh as a new day.

"I'm fine. " I tell her."I'm going to town, what do people do around here?"

"Oh there are so many activities! " she gushes so enthusiastically. I'm surprised she doesn't start clapping her hands."You are a singer right? You can join the youth choir, they practice every day at five in the evening or you can attend the youth meetings and seminars. I hear the youth are also planning an end of summer basketball tournament. There is some mentorship program going on at the church. You can join them."