Dream Chaser [Chaser Trilogy Book 1]

Kabanata 4

Maulit Nang Maulit

Kabanata 4

Breathe in... Breathe out... Inhale. Exhale.

I shut my eyes real tight as tears cascaded down my cheeks. I jolted awake from my dream and I started shaking. My chest immediately began to feel cold and tight before I realized what was happening. Unti-unting nanigas ang mga kamay ko at wala na akong ibang nagawa kung hindi humagulgol kahit gaano ko pa pinigilan ang sarili kong pakalmahin ang paghinga ko.

"Ma! Mommy! M-Mom!" I curled on my bed as I heard my mother's panicked steps. Hindi ko pa rin makalma ang aking sarili at puro iyak na lang ang nagawa ko.

"Mommy." It came out like a whimper when I heard my door opening. I felt her arms wrap around me, doing what she was taught to do during my panic attacks. I willed myself to do what I have been taught as well.

"Shh, sweetie. You are alright. Breathe with me."

"Sophia." Dad.

He was rubbing my back and telling me encouraging things to help me calm myself more.

I do not know how long it took for me to calm down. Mommy was beside me holding my hand when I woke up from being too tired from my panic attack. I dreamed the same dream, but I woke up calmer now.

Tanghali na kaya hindi na nila ako pinapasok. It is normal for me na hindi ako pinapapasok kapag ganitong sitwasyon. It is safer for me to stay at home than to have a scene at school.

Dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ang kamay niya sa akin pero nagising pa rin siya. She gave me a small smile bago tinignan kung ayos na ba ako.

"I will go down and bring you food," nag-aalalang tugon niya.

Matamlay akong tumango at pinanood siyang lumabas. I hugged my legs in front of me and rested my chin on my knees. I reached out to my phone when I heard it ring. Aiden sent me a message.

Aiden: I will come over later. Get well.

Binalik ko ang phone ko sa table bago hinilig ang ulo sa dingding. I feel so tired when I have not even started my day. Isa ito sa mga epekto ng mga karaniwang panaginip ko–ang pagurin ako. I managed to bring myself to the shower and clean myself up despite feeling weak.

"Sophia?" Narinig kong tanong ni Mommy mula sa aking kwarto.

"In here po." Nilakasan ko nang kaunti ang pagkakasabi para marinig niya ako. I do not want her getting too riled up again.

"I... left your food on your desk. Eat, ha," she said aloud as I felt the water drop on my face down until my feet. Pinanood kong pumatak sa malamig na sahig ang tubig at ang pag-agos nito papunta sa drain mula sa aking paa.

"Yes, 'My," nakatulala kong sambit.

I immediately picked up my paintbrush after putting on clothes and eating brunch. A towel was wrapped around my head as I stared at the medium-sized canvas in front of me.

I could feel what I wanted to release. All the pain, panic, and misery. I wanted to let them out and look at the beauty they possess when they were not inside me.

I let my hair fall and dry on its own. I dipped the brush in the red paint and started painting.

"Honey, baba ka muna."

Inangat ko ang aking tingin mula sa pinipinta, only to see Daddy standing by the doorframe. I let out a heavy sigh and calmly stopped what I was doing.

Akala ko talaga I was getting better pero iyon pala, aatakihin ako kinabukasan. I thought the less pain from when I woke up yesterday meant something. I had hope, but it immediately disappeared when I closed my eyes to sleep.