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6

Stokeley Goulbourne
I just finished my meet and greet session and now we're on our way to the hotel. I had the volume of my earphones turned all the way up. Why? To drownout my thoughts.

I don like being left to my thoughts. Its overwhelming. The guilt is consuming and I jus can't take it. Even now with the music turned up to a deafening volume I just cant get him off my mind. All I can think about is him. The love of my life and our dead child.

Everyday I go to sleep wishing that all this was a nightmare and i'll wake up and all will be normal again.

I cant help but wish I would have died still of my precious angel who didn't live to see the world all because of my carelessness. I wish my baby wouldn't have lost his memory and have to live on pills. They both suffered for my mistake while I escaped with only a bruise that healed a week later.

I deserve to die for what I did to them. Now I only feel like an empty shell that is jus surviving this life and not leaving. I put up a fake happy and content charade for my fans but if only they knew how empty I was.

Whats worse I can't even be close to my Jahseh. It has been hell surviving almost two years without him. I planned our daughter's funeral without him and I must say it the worst moment of my life. I know Jah will hate me when he finally regains his memory back. He'll hate me for killing our princess and that thought right there justvmakes me want to kill myself. I dom think i'll be able to stand it if he ever did yet I know it inevitable.

Jordan is in Huwaii right now with Symere. He says he wonna propose. Must be nice. I just felt bad he had to stick  around me just because I was  sUiCiDaL. He and Omar are always babysitting me to make sure i'm sAfE.

Thats another reason why I feel guilty. My carelessness didn't only destroy mine Jah's lives but also our friends'. All our lives were destroyed and its all my fault. No matter how many times I plead for them to jus gon' head a leave me they refuse to. Everybody is suffering because of me.

The car pulled up outside our hotel. I got out heading straight to the elevator. Omar followed silently behind me.

I jus was never the same after the accident. I became silent and antisocial. More of an introvert unless I was at the studio or interview. Life is so meaningless and empty when the source of joy and happiness is missing.

I winced at the emptiness in my ear when Omar pulled put my earphone bud. I glared at him.

"You have one more concert, meet and greet then interview with a radio station before we head back home this Friday."he said. I just nodded returning my earphone bud back in my ear.

Back home? Home where? That large empty house that has all my nightmares in it? Its no longer home since my heart is no longer there. My Jah is not there.

The elevator doors opened revealing our floor. I removed my key from my pocket and swiped it pn the door. It unlocked and I got inside not saying another word to Omar.

One thing I always look forward to is face timing Gazzy so I could watch my baby sleep. Its all that keeps me sane. I barely sleep at night due to the nightmares but watching him sleep keeps my aching heart at ease.

I dropped my phone on the bed then went into the bathroom. I rinsed my face put then stripped out of my sweaty clothes and durag. I stepped into the shower making sure the water hot jus like I like it.

After the shower I put on boxers and basketball shorts then stepped into the room again. I laid on the bed picking up the phone about to call Gazzy. I dialed his number and waited for him to pick up. It rung till the end and he dint answer. I dialled again and again still no answer.

Just then there was a knock on my door. I hopped out of bed and opened the door. It was Omar.

"Good you're here. Gazzy isn't picking up his phone."I spoke stepping aside to allow thim to come inside. That prolly is the longest sentence I have said to him so far. He sat one the bed burrying his head in his hands for a minute. He lifted his head up then blew out air.

"Whatsup?" I questioned raising my eyebrows.

"Well...uhm See Gazzy says he'll only talk to you if you promise not to kill him."he said looking at me sideways. I scrunched up my face.

"Why? What happened?"I asked anxious already.

"Promise you'll be calm."he said slowly.

"I aint promising shit Omar! Tell me what the fuck is going on!"I demanded having a feeling that this is about Jah. He sighed taking his phone out his pocket and calling am guessing Gazzy.

"Hey bébé.....he's here.....calm down okay...it'll be fin-"i snatched the phone outta his giant hands.

"Gazzy what the fuck is going on? Why ain't you picking my calls?"I spat.

"S-stoke?"he whimpered then begun to cry. The fuck!

"Did something happen to Jahseh?"I asked my heart beating so fast. He only cried. "For chrissake Gazzy speak the hell up!" I yelled.

"I-i'm s-sorry Stokeley... I..I..."he Cried some more.

"What happened to my baby Gazzy?"my voice was low and desperate.

"Stoke..... Jahseh i-is m-m-missing."he finally said. My heart fell to my toes.

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Sheesh!! Double update.
Finally Stokeley's pov
Unedited
Forgive mistakes