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30

Jasheh Onfroy
I woke up to harsh breathing that startled me. What's going on? I outlined Stokeley sitting up in bed the heavy breathes coming from me. "Stokeley? Baby what's wrong?"I sat up groaning at the soreness in between my legs. Ion even remember getting to our room. I touched his shoulder after he didn't speak and he jumped so hard. I frowned moving slightly to switch on the light. Checking the digital clock it was six twenty two a.m. I turned facing him. He was sweaty and his breath was still laboured. "Stokeley what's happening to you?"I asked worry laced in my voice. He said nothing just shook his head grabbing at his dreads mumbling under his breath. I shifted in bed to where I was kneeling in front of him on the bed. I grabbed his face making him look at me. Tears were streaming from his eyes making me confused." Why you crying? Whats wrong?"I asked softly.

"I--its my fault....the dreams...nightmares...I...I...I can't sleep....i'm sorry....i'm sorry.."he rambled on and on and I couldn't understand anything he was saying. His body was shaking. Was he having a panic attack or what? "I'm so sorry....sorry...I need a drink.."he moved my hands from his face and got out of bed still naked. He  walked to the closet putting on some Nike joggers. I got out of bed grabbing my robe and tying it up around my body. I was still confused about all this. I watched him move around the room like a headless chicken looking for God knows what. It was killing me to stand because of the soreness but now I was more focused on him to pay attention to my pain.

"Stokeley talk to me!"I yelled  feeling my head spinning due to the much movement he was making. He just ignored me moving towards the door. I held him back " what the fuck is going on?"I yelled finally tired of being ignored.

"I just need a drink Jahseh."he said at last.

"Don't you think its too early for alcohol?"I crossed my arms.

"You just don't understand."he muttered trying to go around me. I scoffed. I can't believe this nigga.

"I don't understand? I DON'T UNDERSTAND? Stokeley you have been ignoring me ever since I came back. I am mourning my daughter's death and I expected you to be by my side telling me everything will be okay. You barely talk to me or touch me Stokeley. It's only last night that I finally got you to touch me sexually but you were still drunk."I shook my head really trying to hold in my tears. His eyes widened in shock. My heart fell out my ass as the tears I was struggling to hold in escaped my eyes. "You don't remember do you?"I asked a bitter taste filled my mouth. He remained silent looking at the floor. His body was visibly still shaking. Silence only means one thing. I felt as if a dagger was pushed through my heart. He doesn't even remember last night. Oh God!

"I badly need a drink Jahseh. Thats the only way I can function."he said breaking the silence that had overcame us. I looked at him anger boiling in my body.

"You need a drink?"I chuckled an amused. "Okay."I grabbed him by the hand pulling him downstairs ignoring my legs screaming for me to stop the movement. I pulled him to the house bar going behind the counter and grabbing a bottle and pouring some in a glass." There is your drink."I said coldly pushing it towards him. I was beyond angry at this point " you need some more? There you go."I filled the glass till it over flowed." There is your mother fucking drink. You wanted to drink? Drink up nigga!"I yelled throwing bottles every where. The sound of shattering glasss bottles and the smell of different brands of alcohol  filled the air. I broke everyone of those expensive ass liquor bottles screaming and balling my eyes out.

"I don't know you any more. You are not my Stokeley. The one I fell in love with. The one whose smile used to brighten my day. The one who made  me to feel safe every second of the day. The one who couldn't keep in hands away from my body. The one who always went out of his way to make sure i was okay and happy."I cried standing in front of him. He wasn't looking at me at all. "Look at me Stokeley!"I yelled startling him. He looked at me for a brief moment but couldn't maintain it." Do you realize how much I need you? I'm I not beautiful enough for you anymore? Do You still love me Stokeley?"my voice cracked. That grabbed his attention and he  looked at guilt all over his face.