almost // l.s

twelve

harry stood in front of his mirror and cringed. he'd never been so thin in his life, skin clinging to bones anywhere it possibly could. his ribs were prominent and his stomach caved, chest seemingly heaving with every breath. harry shut his eyes and tried to remember his body before, it had once been something he was proud of, he had nice calves, thick thighs and a bum him and niall used to giggle about. his stomach was slightly podgy, but harry thought it was cute, and although they were long and gangly, his arms were a good size.

now, everything was skinny. so disgustingly skinny and harry didn't know why.

sure, he hadn't been eating a lot and his sleep schedule was way out, but it wasn't necessarily unhealthy. maybe his weight loss was because of stress, but harry didn't think it would get that bad. if only louis would coax him back into-

-

the front door opened and harry stepped through. this happened every day, and his brain sort of went onto cruise control, nothing very exciting happened. however, something felt off today, like some sort of difference was going to happen. what could that be? 

he walked down the pavement, big jumper giving an effect of a slightly bigger frame, but skinny jeans leaving nothing to the imagination. his bad felt heavy on his shoulders and with every step his daily dread for school heightened.

a left turn sent harry down a new street, a road he used to walk all the time. it was the street louis lived on, in his big white house. harry had many fond memories in that house- but it was the place he last saw louis as his boyfriend. that was so long ago, why couldn't he just forget?

as he approached louis' house, he told himself not to look as he did each day. for some reason, probably that today was already feeling off, he decided to spare the place a glance.

and there he was. louis tomlinson in all his glory. harry watched him as he walked, eventually seeing that the boy wasn't alone. eleanor was with him. and her hands were on him, his on her, and harry felt sick. he saw their lips touch each other's quickly, before diving back in for a longer, more passionate kiss. it was a disgusting, horrible thing to watch because harry still loved him.  he loved his boyfriend who was kissing another person. a girl.

he contemplated going the long way and being late for school, but that would ruin his unplanned schedule and perfect attendance. harry couldn't risk that. praying he wouldn't vomit, the boy moved forward, face down and ignoring the giggles from his left. being older, eleanor didn't have to attend school so she was seeing louis off, "love you!" she called as the boy left his porch.

"i know."

that seemed odd. every time harry declared his love for louis, the boy reciprocated the comment immediately. even so, the thought of eleanor loving his lou made him nauseous. so much so that harry started swaying on the pavement. he stepped almost drunkenly and his head spun, harry knew he wasn't going to last long. the feeling of faint that was overcoming him finally succeeded in its task, and he hit the floor. a shrill screech of his name was the final thing harry heard before everything went black.

-

beep, beep, flicker.

beep, beep, flicker.

beep, beep, flicker.

it had been continuous for about ten minutes and the noise was getting on harry's nerves. there would be two short beeps and then a light would flash annoyingly in his eyes. it was dulled by his eyelids, as he didn't have the energy to open them, but harry could feel his frustration build up.

after a short while he found he could make out a woman's voice. she sounded like she was explaining something serious, and when harry came to as much as he could, he knew for certain that that was the case.

"i'm going to need you to stay with him while i go and deal with this next patient. if he wakes up, don't stress, try to stay calm. harry will  probably be confused and i'm asking you to nicely explain all that i've told you, alright?"

"of course," that was a voice harry knew.

"and what relation are you to harry, mr tomlinson?"

harry's breath hitched and he squeezed his eyes even tighter shut. he couldn't be here, there wasn't a chance, he was dreaming.

"uhh," louis stopped for a moment, "boyfriend?" it was more like a question than an answer and harry wanted to scream.

'you ditched me! you love eleanor! leave me alone!'

instead, he decided to confront louis. he was sure the doctor wouldn't be pleased, but there was no way he was staying calm right now.

as soon as the door to his hospital room closed, harry sat up abruptly. louis' head whipped around quickly and his expression was unreadable. he did seem worried though.

"harry," he said softly, moving so he was in the chair closest to the boy's bed, "how are you feeling?"

harry scoffed, "just fine, thanks boyfriend."

guilt covered louis' face and he gulped, "i had to say that. only close relatives can stay, h, i couldn't say friend."

"friend?" harry yelped, "we're not friends!"

"haz-"

"no don't you dare haz me," harry shook his head furiously, "you left me. you left me for her after you had the audacity to tell me you were gay and, hell, that you loved me. look at me, louis, i'm hideous. and it's your fault. you're the reason i'm starved, you're the reason i'm too useless to cut my hair and you're the reason i'm basically personality dead."

the amount of emotions that cross louis' face in that short time surprised harry, but it felt good to get everything off his chest. he heaved a deep breath as the older ones eyes dug into his skin.

"i'm sorry," he whispered, "i didn't think it'd get that bad."

"save it," harry lay back down, "you're an idiot and i'm going to sleep."

harry didn't see it, but a tear slipped down louis' cheek, and an arrow punctured his heart.

♡♡♡

thanks for reading everyone! this chapter is sad, hope you're not too emo lmao. sorry it's a bit late.

thank you. treat people with kindness.

alyssa xx