almost // l.s

thirteen

warning:

mentions of self harm in this chapter. nothing graphic. just be aware.

♡♡♡

louis was still sitting beside harry when he woke up. well, some would classify it as waking up, but harry hadn't really been sleeping, just trying to rest after the fight. the boy looked over to the other person in his room and sighed, he could see the tear tracks stained by his eyes, and the deflated look of his face. harry hadn't noticed it before, but louis' cheekbones were more prominent than ever, his cheeks sunken and sad looking. it really was a pity that someone so stunning as louis tomlinson could be reduced to this.

harry coughed abruptly, causing the other one to stir, "wake up."

"talking to me nicely now?" louis asked, rubbing his tired eyes.

"how long was i sleeping?" harry ignored the previous comment, and spoke quickly.

"about five hours," he flicked a hand through untidy hair, "few nurses came in and checked you. they need to keep you here under supervision for a little while, but you'll be let out tomorrow afternoon at the latest."

"thanks," harry mouthed sarcastically. the older boy looked more than a little hurt.

"i have to go soon."

"why?" harry asked. why did he care? why did a small part of him want louis to stay.

"i uh-" harsh lines formed on his forehead, "i won't lie to you, harry. the nurse found something out about me and i may have an infection. they just need to have a look."

harry worried, even though he wished he didn't, "infection? why?"

"it's nothing, really harry," louis smiled sadly and tugged on his sleeves anxiously. 

harry's eyes widened, "louis. you didn't-"

"i promise it isn't anything serious," he confirmed sternly. the younger boy looked down and squeezed his eyes shut, praying the tears wouldn't fall. he needed to talk to louis... desperately. to ask him why everything had happened, but he didn't know how. what harry did know, however, was that he wasn't leaving this damn hospital before he found out.

he bit the inside of his cheek, "i wasn't thinking rationally before," harry admitted, "but i do really want to know what happened because, heaven forbid, i do believe you loved me..."

louis shut his eyes, "i did," he took a deep breath, "i do. it wasn't my decision to break it off, h, i was forced."

"by who," harry was outraged. who'd do something like that.

louis looked around the room, apparently paranoid someone would hear them, with his voice lowered, "my disgusting excuse for a father."

"how did he-"

"apparently eleanor saw us kissing one day and didn't say anything to me. she told dad though, and he was furious."

"that b-"

"harry," louis said curtly but smiled nonetheless.

"what did he do to you lou?" and harry smacked himself internally for using that nickname but louis had such an effect on him.

"h-he threatened to hurt y-you," the older boy stuttered, "i couldn't let him."

the curly haired one was shocked to say the least, "so you let him hurt you instead?"

louis nodded brokenly, salty tears now freely flowing down his face, "he made me prove to society that i wasn't some 'hideous waste of time,' and forced me into this stupid fake relationship with eleanor. there was nothing i could do." he looked wrecked.

"he ruined you," harry whispered, "he ruined your life."

"i know," the older boy murmured back.

"you're nineteen next month for christ's sake!" harry yelled, possibly too loud for their location but he didn't care, "you can choose who you love, and how and why and where!"

"baby baby baby baby baby," louis hushed, and the word sounded so right on his tounge, "c'mere."

harry followed his motioning hands and went to sit in his lap. he lay his head on louis' shoulder and gripped his hands tightly in his own. the older boy flinched away, causing harry to shoot him a confused expression. his face then contorted into one of disbelief, "louis pull up your sleeves."

louis bit his lip and shook his head, "i- i can't."

"do it. now!" harry demanded.

louis inhaled shakily and pulled his arms to his chest. he slowly drew back the fluffy sleeves of his jumper and turned his arms over so his wrists were in view. harry's breath hitched and a hand flew over his open mouth. across the tan skin, the boy could see jagged lines. red jagged lines, some newer, some older, some that looked like they'd just stopped bleeding ten minutes ago. harry couldn't bare to look, so he tore his eyes away and pressed his palms into them.

"louis, no," he said, barely audible, "i didn't see that. i didn't. it's just a bad dream."

the older boy chuckled dryly, "i'm afraid it isn't, darling. this is what i've been reduced to. if i'm not allowed to feel love, i might as well feel something else. apparently the easiest way to feel... anything.. is this. pain." he looked up through his long eyelashes which were matted together, wet. harry wanted to smack himself for ever blaming louis for this whole debacle. 

"you can still feel love," was the only thing he could think of to say. it was true, louis could love, everyone's capable, it was just difficult.

"i know, babe," he took harry's hand in his own weak one, "just some messed up 'romeo and juliet' style secret love that no one can know about."

harry didn't know what else to say, so he used his body instead. hand still clasped in louis', he brought the boy's wrist to his lips and kissed the hideous cuts that were there, "you're gonna be okay."

"she doesn't care about me like you do."

"eleanor?"

"yeah."

"she should," harry said matter of factly, pecking every scar or mark he could see.

"i know," louis breathed.

"what made you result to this?" harry asked, not wanting to pry too much, but he felt like he deserved this sort of information after the worst three months of his life.

louis thought for a moment, "i guess it was just everything really. having to leave you, dad despising me, eleanor being straight up homophobic to my damn face. i couldn't take the numbness and anger anymore, h, i didn't know what else to do." he combed his fingers through the curls opposite him, "in a way, i'm glad you fainted this morning, i really need someone to care right now."

"what about your mum?"

"she's too scared," he shrugged, "dad's been torturing us all. god help his new fiance."

harry shuddered, "people actually like him?"

"people like his money," louis corrected, earning a look of realisation from his peer, "i just wish everything could be okay again. if only i was free to love you."

harry began to sob, and dug his head into louis' chest, "i still love you. i wish i didn't, for your safety's sake, but i do."

the other lad joined in the crying, "i love you too, harry. now more than ever."

♡♡♡

i'm so sorry. i nearly cried writing this. it's strange how attached to fiction you can become. i really feel for both boys and i'm the creator of their storyline... odd.

thank you for reading, i appreciate you all. please vote and comment if you're enjoying it, or if you're anxious or excited to see where this leads. treat people with kindness.

alyssa xx :)

(also happy late birthday, h. i love you so much.)