I'm Dying Inside

With Him

I was doing better

When he came back into my life

I took my medicine

Maybe skipped once or twice

Thrice the time convinced I didn't need it

I had some troubled times but his words consoled me not to feed it

Him being alive was my new medicine

For once in life

Was something there to feel and no damage done

by forced smiles and hidden tears leaked and tears upon skin

Being able to thrive instead of conceal everything that was inside

He accepted me no matter what

For all of what I am

some to the degree of questioning his own sanity

Then I slowly started to separate myself from him

Falling back into a familiar chaotic rhythm

Of "I'm fines" and broken lines of speech

No longer in service for the one who created all
the sky, the land and the sea

It's obvious since I've been without
him

I've become inactive in my spirit

And yet she says I'm better off without
a boy that's in the world

Without him I've drifted away and am in constant disarray

It's hard to see a future anymore

when a mind has gone back to being behind a closed door

Popping pill after pill as a new way to cope

but had taken too many and began to choke

How many doses are needed to feel whole again?

How many cuts too deep to fully heal?

What exigency is needed to have happiness existent again?