Reddit Stories 2019

3 bed, 2 bath

"I'm sorry?"

"Oh, yes," the realtor said with a wide grin, "Apple Hill High is one of the best public schools in the nation. Advanced tech program."

"No, not that."

The realtor's smile fell slightly. "You could turn one of the bedrooms into an office if you need."

"No! Although I do need an office. Do you know the service pro... Never mind."

The realtor's smile turned into a frown. "I'm afraid I don't know what the tax benefits of the historic status is. It doesn't apply to this place, though. This was built in the 80's."

"The ghosts!"

"Yes," the realtor said with a nod, smiling again, "they're free."

"Why are there ghosts in my house?"

"House-to-be," the realtor corrected.

"Why are there ghosts in my house-to-be?"

Confused by my question, the realtor paused for a moment. "Well, they're free."

"I am aware the ghosts are free. Why are they in my house?"

"To-be."

"My house-to-be."

A serious expression crossed the realtor's face. "Are you unhappy with this place? I know it doesn't have an office, but as I said, you could convert one of the bedrooms into an office. I'm happy to provide a list of internet service providers as well."

"I'm unhappy with the ghosts!"

"The ghosts?"

"Yes! I don't want ghosts."

"But," the realtor stammered, unable to cope with the protest, "but they're free."

"Free or not, I don't want to live with ghosts."

"Oh."

"Can you-"

"What about just the one ghost?"

"What?"

The realtor offered a sly smile. "I'm not supposed to talk about this yet, but the house across the street is going up for sale soon. Very nice place. Two beds, two and a half baths. An office."

"The ghosts?"

"Ghost! Just the one. A nice elderly man who experienced an unfortunate cooking accident in the early 20th century. He can probably tell you about the tax breaks, though. He was a historical benefits accountant. Definitely a real thing." The realtor shrugged. "It is slightly out of your price range, though. Not much, just another fifty."

"Fifty dollars?"

"Fifty thousand."

"Are there any places that don't have ghosts and are within my budget?"

"If you're willing to expand the radius, yes. Unfortunately, it won't be in the same school district."

"Oh."

"Otherwise it's ghosts."

"H-how much was the other place?"

"Just fifty more."

"And how many ghosts?"

"Just the one." The knowing smile of a realtor darkened the room.

"I'll take it."