Reddit Stories 2019

Lion. Witch. Wardrobe.

Wednesday - 10:04 PM

I wearily stumbled out of my side yard, dragging a black bin full of garbage behind me. The world was dark, my body ached, and I wanted nothing more than to climb the steps of my beautiful grey duplex and crawl in bed. I had only gotten home ten minutes ago and I still had two full days of work left.

Overtime was kicking my ass. I could only hope it was worth it when that direct deposit landed next week. But if I didn't have the trash out by 6 am, I'd suffer trash smell for a full week.

Nobody wanted trash smell.

I placed my bin on the curb, the last in the military line of rank garbage soldiers, and trudged my way back to my duplex. My stomach whined for food by my eyes yearned for rest. One of them would win by the time I made it to the door, and I had my bets-

A sickly girl stared at me from my bedroom window.

I blinked rubbing my eyes. Slowly opening them again, I stared at my bedroom window, hoping the creepy child was just my imagination. And my hopes were granted! Nothing. Just my TV and Xbox. The girl was gone.

Good to know the sleep deprivation was settling in fine.

I'd have to make sure there wasn't a way for my neighbor's grandkids to slip into my place. The appeal of living next to the elderly was a lack of tiny monsters and the realtor insisted the other half of the duplex would be childfree. I let her know I disagreed on her use of the term the first time the kids spent a week with their grandparents.

Whatever. As long as they didn't hurt themselves and they kept to their side of the wall, I was fine with it.

Sighing, I made a mental note to get more sleep and invest in curtains.

Wednesday - 11:37 PM

My stomach won by a landslide. I feasted on a platter of the finest junk food money could buy, adding in a beer to balance out the alcohol portion of the food pyramid, and continued to deny my eyes their reward for a long day of excellence.

That was a pun.

I made a lot of spreadsheets.

Instead, I subjected myself to the horrors of online gaming, the scientifically proven way to both cure insomnia and reduce stress. According to my lovely team, I was a gay cuck who cut his sandwiches lengthways instead of diagonally and the sole reason we never tasted sweet victory. At least they were right about the one thing. Maybe two. But after the third red "Defeat" popped on the screen, I decided to call it a night.

A hearty pee and less vigorous dental work later, I meandered my way back to my bedroom. A sudden pain attacked my foot. I yelped, falling to my butt. The white carpet was now stained with bits of red. The clear glass hidden in it too.

I rolled over, deciding the lacerations weren't that bad, and plucked the larger shards from the carpet, then, stupidly, ran my hand over the spot to make sure I got it all. I discovered that I had not.

With bandaids on my hand and foot, the picture of my family off the wall, and the glass safely deposited in the trash, I finally, for real, made my way to my bedroom to sleep. I hadn't seen any obvious way for the the kids next door to sneak in, but I would have to be more thorough when the weekend came. I triple checked the door to make sure the kids couldn't get back in and break any more shit.

Why people built their lives around making those goblins was beyond me.

Exhausted and not looking forward to another thirteen hours of reading shipping manifestos, I fell into bed and instantly into a deep sleep.