Reddit Stories 2019

Polar Vortex

"Don't worry, Mom, I'll be okay. Yeah, -30. Yes, that's Fahrenheit. It's okay; we've got heaters and blankets. I did see the article you shared about how to treat hypothermia."

"Get naked and bang," I whispered in my boyfriend's other ear sultrily. As sultry as one could be while whispering over a shiver. The temporary apartment was nice, but every time the wind blew, we became well aware of the poor insulation. The kitchen was the worst.

Stifling a quiet laugh, Lou pushed me away.

"Huh? Yeah, that was just Rick." His cheerful face was replaced with a worried one. "No, he's just being funny. Yeah, we have plenty of food."

Lou cast a suspicious look at me with that lost comment. Flashing my pearly whites, I opened our overflowing pantry to confirm he was not a liar. The cold made me hungry, but I knew how to ration. That would last us the night at least.

"We're prepared. Uh-huh. Yeah."

Balancing the phone between his head and shoulder and juggling two hot mugs and vodka, Lou carefully stepped to the living room. I watched him with delight, not daring to lift a finger to help. Lou liked to live dangerously. He adopted YOLO in 2012 and never made more than one trip to carry our groceries since. I liked to record the many times he failed.

I was a good boyfriend.

"Yeah," Lou said, letting out a long sigh. "I have my bible. Look, I - uh-huh. I know. I should probably go. I want to make sure my phone's charged in case the power goes out."

The building assured us that was not likely. The storm had mostly settled down but the cold was there to stay. A few in the tiny nowhere town of... whatever the heck this town was called. La Tuque, maybe. We arrived days before the polar vortex hit and Lou did most of the driving.

Lou was sent out to inspect the Central Rapides-des-Coeurs and naturally I followed.

It was getting increasingly harder to explain to his parents why his 'roommate' went with him on work trips.

I hoped my bosses would like my article on the thirteen reasons to visit yet another dam in the middle of nowhere. They can't all be the Hoover.

"Love you too," Lou finally said, hanging up. I waited just long enough for him to set the steaming hot mugs of hot cocoa down before jumping on him, practically devouring him with smooches. He wrapped an arm around me, lowering the volume of the Netflix documentary. Lou was tense. I gently planted kisses on his strong arm as I snuggled next to him.

"Rough day?" I asked sweetly.

"At least the last -" he checked his phone - "hour and a half."

"She still doesn't know?"

"She knows. She just pretends she doesn't." Lou looked down at me, smiling his perfect crooked smile with his perfect crooked teeth. "She hasn't disowned me yet, so maybe after a few more years of hinting I can finally do it."

"Present her with The Big Gay?"

Lou laughed. He didn't know most of my jokes were memes I stole from Twitter. Or he pretended not to.

My stomach growled. Lou laughed again, harder this time.

"Want me to make you some food?"

"Yes," I said not moving. "But I don't want you to get up."

"You know, you..." Tilting his head, Lou leaned in closer. I closed my eyes, anticipating the gentle warmth of a kiss. "No, open your eyes."

I obeyed.

"Huh."

"Huh what?"

"Nothing. It's like your eyes changed color for a sec." Lou shuffled out from under me. Rolling to my feet, I made my way bathroomwards. My eyes were still the same brownish color they always were.

"Maybe you've had too much vodka already. Lightweight."

Lou laughed again. The rhythmic sound of a knife, cutting board, and vegetables carried through the kitchen. "Did I tell you what the plant manager told me today?"

Still fixated on the mirror, and really, who could blame me, I checked my teeth. Clean. Not too sharp. My dentist bought me a file when I was a kid. Much later, I learned from Lou that was not normal. He reassured me that every kid had braces though. Except him.

"No," I called out. My nails needed some cutting, but was a tomorrow thing.

"I was doing the usual thing. Flipping switches. Causing minor power outages. You know. And then I noticed in his office that he has no one scheduled tonight. I asked him why, cause, just speaking as an inspector here, that seems a little bad for the dam."

"Yeah! Like, what if something goes wrong?"

"Exactly! Anyways, he tells me that his employees asked for the day off because they were afraid. I told him to call them in to work anyways since the dam needs someone to make sure things are, at least, damming right. He couldn't because they all left town."

"They what?" I exclaimed. "All of them?"

"Exactly what I said. And it wasn't just the people scheduled. It was everyone. He gave everyone the night off."

"Holy shit." I emerged from the bathroom, nails and teeth and normal bluntness. Lou cut and diced like a pro. In another life, he'd be a chef. That would probably have worked out even better for me, since I usually helped myself to seconds and thirds. And occasionally Lou's seconds.

"Yeah. So I first told everyone working that they'd have to stay and warned Mags that the night shift was doing double duty. Then, after a polite conversation with the manager about how that was a stupid fucking move, I asked him what they were so af- ow!"

Lou yelped as the knife dug into his finger, almost slicing clean through. My eyes locked to the blood. Like the bystander to a horrible car crash, I felt my body move towards him and latched my lips to the bloody finger.

"Rick? What the fu-"

I bit. Lou yanked his hand back, retrieving most of his finger. He looked at me with horrified eyes, clutching the bleeding stump with his good hand. For a moment, I registered what I just did, almost throwing up the bit of human finger now in my stomach. Then the smell of blood hit me again.

This would not endear Lou's parents to me at all.

But I was hungry.