Riptide: A Christian Yelich Story

Seven

A/N: Blame my partner for this not me thanks

***

A week after her ultrasound, Amelia walked through the produce section, placing a few bananas in her cart. It was her first time grocery shopping since her husband left, and everything felt a little foreign to her. A little broken. Only three bananas instead of eight, she thought to herself, remembering how Christian could eat as much in a day as an entire high school football team. At least it seemed that way.

She was trying to move on, and she was also trying to take better care of herself for the sake of both her babies. She had felt too ill as of late, both physically and emotionally, to eat enough, and she knew she needed to try harder for them. She'd never give up, even if her world stopped for a bit.

Tomatoes. Lettuce. Apples. Asparagus. Avocados. She added them all to her cart, pausing with each addition to smile at Nathaniel, who was content in his carrier, enjoying all the stimuli in the store – the bright colors, the lights, the people. He always smiled back. He really was the best baby. She was so lucky in so many ways, so it shouldn't matter that he doesn't want me. She hated that it did.

She was reaching for some almonds when she felt a slight cramp in her stomach. It was nothing new to her, so she ignored it.

When she got home, she put away her small load of groceries and got Nathaniel settled into his high chair for lunch. He was starting to explore solid foods, so today she wanted him to try out an avocado. Christian was obsessed with avocados, so maybe Nathaniel would love them, too . . .

She diced up an avocado and made herself a bowl of cereal, so they could eat together, but, before she could set the small meal in front of her baby boy, she felt a sharp pain in her pelvis – much sharper than the cramp she felt at the store.

She clutched the counter to support herself. Unable to stay standing due to the intense discomfort, she slunk down and sat on the tiled floor. It wasn't until she was on the floor that she was able to sense a bit of wetness between her legs. "Please, no," she whispered aloud, loud enough for Nathaniel to give her his undivided attention.

She knew she had to get to the bathroom, so she slowly worked through the agony and got to her feet. Nathaniel started to cry when she left the room, so she knew she had to be quick.

She tried to shut down her emotions and detach, so she could work through everything faster for Nathaniel's sake. She swallowed to stop from crying as she pulled down her leggings and underwear. She knew what she was going to see, but she didn't want to see it. She didn't want to make it real.

Dark blood was everywhere. Detach, detach, detach, she thought to herself, over and over again. She maneuvered herself to the shower, trying to pretend that she was at the doctor's office, and she was just going through a routine medical procedure. She washed up, and watched in trepidation as clots of blood fell from her body to the drain. And she lost it. Completely.

The only thing in the world that could possibly bring her back to reality and off the floor of the tub was the sound of her baby boy sobbing. She pulled herself up, shut off the water, and rushed to him. "I'm so, so sorry, Nate," she muttered through her tears, bringing him into her arms.

He stopped crying instantly, while her tears still flowed in waves.

She knew she needed to go to the doctor. She knew she needed help. But she had no idea who to turn to. Christian was off the table, obviously. Her parents would make things worse by adding their emotions to a situation that was already a disaster, a tragedy. Jonah was far away in Florida, and, although she wasn't Christian's number one fan as of late, she didn't actually want him murdered. He was Nathaniel's father, after all, and he'd always have that. Her sister was too busy running Chicago. Her brother would join the "Let's Murder Christian Yelich Fan Club" as Executive Vice-President.

In fact, she hadn't even told her family that her and Chris had separated, and she wasn't going to break that news today. She already felt like a failure. She didn't need to increase the load.

The Shaws. She really only had the Shaws. Still sobbing, she dialed Lindy. She was so relieved when she answered immediately. "Hey, pretty lady, what's up?"

"Can you take me to the hospital?" she asked without giving any context. She tried hard to sound like someone who hadn't been crying, but she knew she wasn't successful. She sounded like a fucking mess. She was a fucking mess.

"Oh my God, what's wrong? And YES, of course I'll take you to the hospital."

"Can you just come?" She knew she couldn't explain it over the phone. She knew she'd crumple even further.

"I'll be there in ten minutes. Hang tight."

She really was there in exactly ten minutes. When Amelia greeted Lindy at the door, she was ready to go with a now sleeping Nathaniel in her arms. "I'm so sorry," she muttered. "I just don't think I'm in a good state to drive. I'm so, so sorry."

"First of all, you need to not apologize. I'm here for you always no matter what. Secondly, you need to tell me what's going on. Travis and I are terrified."

"We can take my car. The car seat is set up and . . ."

Lindy interrupted her. "Amelia, please. You can talk to me. I want to help. I can't help if you're not honest with me about all of this."

Amelia chewed her lip nervously, taking a moment to find the right words, even though what she had to say was straightforward and simple. She didn't want to tell anyone. She wanted to live alone in her embarrassment and failure. But she needed Lindy's help. She had no one else. "I think I had a miscarriage," she said, trying to sound cool and collected, but ultimately bursting into sobs again.

"Oh my God, Amelia," Lindy murmured, stopping in her tracks and pulling her friend and her little boy into a gentle hug. She didn't know what to say, so a hug felt like the right place to start.

"I'm okay," Amelia muttered through tears as they broke apart.

"You're not, and you shouldn't be," Lindy shared empathetically.

Lindy started up Amelia's Subaru Forester once Nathaniel was settled into his car seat and everyone had their seat belts on. "How much of this does Christian know?" She had been afraid to ask, but she knew she had to ask.

"Absolutely nothing, and it needs to stay that way," Amelia replied, borderline defensively.

"So he didn't know you were expecting?"

"No, I found out after he left." Amelia wished she could just stop crying. She couldn't. The tears kept coming.

"Are you going to tell Travis?" Lindy asked.

Amelia sighed. "Eventually, maybe. I don't want to ruin his relationship with Christian. They're really good friends."

"It's okay to put yourself first, you know. Christian fucked up. Christian is behaving like a fucking child; Nathaniel is more mature, and he just learned how to recognize himself in a mirror. Christian doesn't need sympathy points right now." Lindy looked at her friend and shook her head. "You're important. And I am so sorry you're going through this. You deserve love and happiness. All of it."

When they got to the emergency room, the doctor on staff validated what had happened and performed a minor procedure to eliminate what was left of her pregnancy. "You're staying with us tonight," Lindy said. It was an order – not a request. "I don't want you at your apartment alone."

Amelia wasn't in the right state of mind to put up a fight.

Later that evening, Amelia lied in bed. She was awake, but catatonic, lost in her benumbing grief. The only thing she could think about was how the one bit of happiness she had experienced since Christian left was taken away from her – suddenly and forever.

She snapped out of her thoughts when her phone alerted her to a text. Her heart dropped when she read the message.

I have an off day tomorrow, so I'll be picking up Nathaniel around 8:00.

That was it. That was all her husband had for her after weeks of silence. She lost her baby, and he just wanted her to know he was stopping in to take the other one.