The Less Popular Porter

I Know....

I woke up and hovered over me was Brandon shaking me awake
"What the hel-"
"Don't even" he said sitting on my bed "are you kidding?"
"What?!?!" I asked so confused sitting up to him
"You and Zion are dating?!"
"WHO TOLD" I realized how loud I was "who told you??"
"No one...you realize the place you went last night on the roof is RIGHT above Austin's room and his window was open, your so lucky I was the only one awake" he rolled his eyes My eyes widened and I ran to close my door "relax I'm the only one up it's 6am, I haven't been able to sleep because I have been so....just confused"
"Brandon you cannot tell anyone" I sat on the end of the bed and I put my head in my hands "I'm just beginning to feel happy please"
"I'm not a snitch but you just gotta hope that Austin wasn't pretending to be asleep last night"
"God...you probably think I'm a complete hoe"
"I NEVER said that?"
"Your thinking it"
"Why would I?"
"Cause I'm already moved onto Zion and it's god this was a mess I have to tell Zion that we need to wait" I got up and was going to go wake up Zion even if I was dreading it. Brandon grabbed my arm pulling me back and I flinched from the pain
"I'm sorry" he quickly said standing up "you cannot. Zion went to our room yesterday cheesing so much. You both love each other it's obvious, plus I can tell your both happier than shi-"
"Brandon it won't work out like this"
"Avery you gotta trust me. Zion has liked you since before he met you. He used to always ask Austin if you are coming out, you can't call this out. I saw the way you guys look at each other. I know your worried that you'll change feeling but Avery you won't you and Zion are together and that's that. But the problem is. Austin....."
"I know big brothers are always over protective"
"No Avery. Before you came he made it VERY clear that if one of us tried getting with you we would basically, he basically threatened us. He told us we had strict rules and none of us were allowed to date you because "he knows how we are" so I'm gonna be amazing and I'm gonna help you keep this relationship a secret"
       "Wait a minute" I interrupted trying to process what he'd just told me. I began laughing, but mainly annoyed "so were just, god! He said all that??"
       "Yep....Zion obviously doesn't listen" he sort of laughed looking at the ground. I kind of was happy to have someone to look out for me like Austin but it did annoy me. Like why be overprotective now when he could've been like this is Jake and I wouldn't have this problem at all. "Hey so like I just thought, I wanted to ask you something..." he rubbed the back of his neck and it got very awkward
       "Yeah what's up" he adjusted himself more onto my bed and i readjusting changing to sit with my back on my pillows and sitting criss cross.
       "I mean I wasn't being nosy it's just I just heard it, are you okay?" He put his hand on my knee
       "W-what do you, what did you hear??" I stared at his hand and then he soon pulled it away
       "Well you said something about like, not wanting to be alive...." ah how amazing. No one was supposed to hear that. Preferably I wish I never told Zion honestly.
"Oh...I'm doing amazing hah" I smiled through the Redness that welled in my eyes. I picked at comforter refusing to make eye contact with him "you weren't supposed to hear that" I sighed thinking about the conversation that would soon begin.
"Avery your an amazing, talented beautiful women who any guy would be lucky to have. Zion is so overly lucky to score someone like yourself. Do you hear me" he put his hand back on his knee "look at me"
I looked up holding back so many tears, but I had many tears falling but more could definitely come. "I'm sorry" I laughed whipping me eyes, and here we go again. Me being a complete baby and crying in front of anyone I can.
"Don't be Avery" he wiped some of the tears that did sadly fall
" I think I'm just gonna go....uh use the bathroom real quick. Just uh, wait here" I told him and went to the bathroom I have in my room. I didn't even wait for a response I just went. I locked the door and looked at myself in the mirror. I took many deep breathes and then ran cold water and splashed it on my face. I dried my face off looking at my reflection in the mirror again. I exhaled as I walked back into the room and sat back where I was on my bed before. Brandon silently watched me.
"You Okay?"
"Yep" I fake smiled and let out a exhale "when someone is your whole world for so long and they finally decide your not good enough it kind of makes you question a lot of things. I'm not suicidal, last night I said some things and at the time I did feel that way. I felt like there was no way to continue. But Zion sat with me and I felt happy, I felt safe. I felt safer than I've felt in 4 years. My whole world WAS Luke's, and I did anything for him ANYTHING and I finally realized when he stood over me that I didn't mean anything to him. Like my feelings were some joke to him, and I just. I felt so alone. Like I, yeah. It's just a very lonely feeling, and yeahhhh" I looked at him and sent a pathetic smile.
"I'm sorry" he finally said
"It's okay."