Beasts: Diary Entries of Unspoken words

Elias (Saint)

Dying a beggar's death

I didn't think that dying would be painful,sure I did prepare myself for some kind of pain but I don't think anything else in the world could have prepared all this misery. It was like the world was laughing at me for not making it,for not stepping on others to make myself successful. I could have done that,ruining people's lives so I could flourish but in any and all aspects it was the most cruel thing I could have thought of in the world. It's freezing and burning at the same,I can hardly see anything but a few moving objects and bright lights. I've lost all feeling in my hands and feet so far and I want to die. The catch is,I'm pretty sure that I am dying. I can't move,I've stopped shivering to keep warm and I can feel myself losing consciousness. It's sad really,the way reality shuts out all the good people. I've seen it with my own eyes and it's happening right now as we speak. I want to cry but I'm pretty sure I've run out of fluid and energy in my body to do that  anymore. Honestly,how am I? It's been a pretty crappy week but I try to stay positive. At least I'm nice and warm now,maybe I'll do better in my future. I've always wanted to live someplace warm and spend my days out in the sun. 

I wake with a startling gasp. I expect myself to be hit my a blast of my usual cold bracing wind of the city. It's almost always colder in Manhattan since it is a floating island  but instead I'm staring out of a window from it seems a building. I've only seen this buildings from the outside and not from the inside. It's a pleasant surprise for me. The place was heated and honestly,the fanciest place I've seen. I don't know who saved me but I can imagine it took a lot of work since there was an iv attached to my arm. From there everything spiraled so quick I couldn't even catch my breath. From there I was handed a pill,from what I was told I wouldn't be so helpless,so pitiful like before. I stared at the neon green pill in the palm of my hands. I sniffed at it tentatively,just an old habit really. It didn't smell like anything but it looked like a liquid gel pill almost but it was definitely solid all the way through. I've never even heard about 'Beasts'  but it was the only option I had that had me at a happy ending. My heart was racing and I could tell just by staring at the heart monitor connected to me. Biting my lip,I took it in one single gulp. I couldn't look back from him. When I inquired about the pill all the brunette who had given me it simply explained it all so rapidly. It had my head spinning with so much information he had given me. The only words I managed to pick up was 'super human' and animal combined species or some shit. It was so ridiculous that I couldn't get my head around it. But...it was for the best I told myself. When I asked him about the pill, if it was like drugs. He only looked to me with a sparkle in his eyes,hiding an unspoken secret in them when he replied with a chuckle, "It's better than drugs Elias". I did have a problem and that has been always nagging  at the back of my mind. I popped the pill and swallowed the thing dry. I just needed,no I wanted one more hit before I would change myself.

It wasn't the hit I exactly wanted but it wasn't better than drugs in that moment. It was worse than my death or my near death. I screamed until my throat had gotten raw from it and my voice had left me. It took all the energy I had built back up and it disappeared all at once. The pain was absolutely unbearable,the pain from before this felt like a kiddy ride at an amusement park in all honesty. What burned the most was my back,it was on fire freshly dipped from the deep bowels of Hell I'm absolutely sure of it without a single doubt in my head. It was obvious I couldn't stay awake from that,luckily most of the pain had dissipated  by that and the pain in my back had slowed down to a light throbbing pain whenever I moved it.  I later found out it was for a good reason,sitting up I found out immediately the reason for such pain. I felt different,of course from the moment of I woke up from my pain induced coma. I felt stronger and better than I had in my entire life, though I chalked it up to the great care I have been receiving the past two days but it was more than that I found out later. Two wings were slumped on my back and onto the bed. The skin on my back from where they erected from was still pink from the new sudden growths.  The pair were a combination of a rich brown,cinnamon red and I had noticed they were banded. Even my  whole body felt so much lighter. I could get up easily and stretch without getting a case of vertigo every now and then,which I meant every time I got it. I had to hand it to that bastard. It felt good to be alive and I wanted it to stay that way for the rest of my life.  

But that's enough about me boosting my ego for like, ten straight minutes. Before you get this big idea about how I'm some drug addict looking for redemption through God and some shit,I just got this nickname because of me. Not the guy upstairs, heck or the guy downstairs. I just try to get by while helping people here and there. I just so happen like helping the people that remind me of myself the most. I don't want them to end up like me. Have you've seen me? I'm an absolute dumbass.

But I love seeing their smiles. And that's payment enough for this old drug addict.