Beasts: Diary Entries of Unspoken words

Theo (Songbird)

Humanity is fading

I know it sounds ridiculous,skeptical and honestly some bullshit I'll hear from some bum off of the streets of New York on my way to school. These voices in my head have been telling me all about it,pointing out things that I have not even been able to analyze or understand either. My peers just look like meatbags to me nowadays and my most aggressive one whispers to me softly, "Let's save the pitiful children". The urge gets stronger and stronger everyday,small things on most days,taking pity on others for their sufferings. Though on the occasional days there are times that I get a glimpse of drama or pulled into it. That's because I see a lot,I'm always there just lingering in the background. There used to be a time where I was able to ignore it easily and brush it aside without a second thought. The words that used to softly whisper in my head turn louder and transitions into screaming. They grow louder and louder the more unfortunate people we happen to glance at it.

I don't even know anymore what they want from me anymore. It's enough to want me to cry and break down. I just want it to stop,the pressure was pressing down my back and at one point. It grew slowly difficult to get up,to not wish that it would stop and go away. And then all at once it disappeared,and at for at least an hour I was happy and content. That is until I watched my parents move around the kitchen during early morning. Unconsciously and without much thought I thought how pathetic they were,running a rat race that they would have never would have won. It made me wildly uncomfortable once I have finished the thought. As I've gone through the day I found these feelings to have intensified further and further within the day. I haven't noticed however the people who had taken interest in this new change as well. I wasn't liking this,not one bit. I felt constantly on edge and alone in my own bubble watching the world destroy itself. Gritting my  teeth and staying silent became tiring and mentally tiring. However everytime I moved to open my mouth this intense feeling of hesitation,guilt and danger plagued my mind. I haven't had a clue what any of this was but it hurt. It hurt to have to stay silent about this,no not the voices anymore about how much apparent danger everyone was in. My world constantly spun around me and my vision started blurring little by little in weird fluctuations. At first I would think it was simply chronic migraines  though I wish that was what it was. The pills won't helping me neither was meditations or increasing my sleeping schedule. And soon the words shortened down from the empathetic sayings of 'pitiful' to monsters,leeches,animals and all manners of insults. It wasn't bearable anymore. 

But now in the way that it was before, instead of several voices flooding my mind all at once it was an influx of these parasites that invaded in my mind anytime they wished and saw fit. And eventually those thoughts and my thoughts no longer existed on seperate planes. They collided and soon they became my own,nowhere was my safe haven. I could never get a moment or two of peace and my own mind was unsafe and being poked and prodded. That was when the flashes happened. First,slowly at first. I felt myself being jerked to and fro out of my life until someplace new or someplace that seemed familiar,something that really took deja vu to a new level if you were to ask me. Nothing felt similar but instead new but it was indescribable feeling. It would happen only four or five seconds at a time and I  couldn't breathe during that time,being dunked underwater all at once and always being yanked with the cruel,cold hand that had plunged me underneath in the first place. Thankfully as these blackouts started,so did my moments of peace away from the prying thoughts that had decided to go South. And then it all had started to make sense,these prying thoughts warning me and taking pity on the people around me and these glimpses of what to come,it made clearer sense than it did in the beginning. This sudden epiphany made the intrusive thoughts quiet down and for once I could think to myself. After this little episode my life had returned to back it's boring and yet blissful simplicity it had once before. i no longer looked at my mother with pitiful and sorry filled eyes nor anyone else for that matter. Though,one aspect had stayed the same during this time and while it wasn't as distracting as the other things,goddamn it was it annoying. I don't think you have any idea how flickering in and out of horrible visions in the middle of the day at least five time might feel. And I'll tell you right now it is more annoying than you think. It wasn't even the fact that it occurred often,my main problem was that I could never quite reach the end of my visions no matter how I held my breath or willed myself to stay under. I never did.

That was when I met them, they promised that I could use my supposed gift to use but by the looks of them they seemed something straight from the pits of Hell themself. Though than again,I'm pretty sure I saw someone climb out of my floor and a soul slipped out behind his black eyes. Now,I'm not any expert on this stuff but I heard some pretty frightening screams coming from out of that pit of Hell and I'm not so keen on going down there. I mean I don't even believe in God and Hell but when you see that come out of your bedroom, you'll be pretty convinced in the long run. Trust me on this, folks.  The other came out of the window like you're regular run-of the mill creeper trailing behind him a pair of bat wings large enough to (and remember not an expert) kill me or at least drag me down to that pit of Hell which is looking pretty good right about now. Those large beady eyes staring at me clear in the darkness is creeping me out more than the apocalypse of the damned in my floor from the center of my bedroom. I masturbate there for the love of God,not to mention that they're staring at me in utter darkness. the only treason I can see, is oh did I mention the giant glowing hole of Hell in the middle of my floor!? But I know they're the reason why my body had finally given up on trying to kill itself all the time. And I knew the words before the bat-man person thing could even say them to me.

"You're a soothsayer" 

"Harry."

"What?"