Beasts: Diary Entries of Unspoken words

Reo (Sakura)

It takes more than love

I never could have imagined how my life would change. It was one outing to the field,the sky was clear and the ocean waves crashed against the beach making a beautiful symphony of nature's music. There were times where I loathed my family but in peaceful times like these I felt incredibly grateful to them. Although my parents were no longer in my life my two baby brothers meant the world to me. Haru was eight and Yasuhiro was ten. Haru didn't say much for his age and truthfully he was a wild child but he was my wild rascal. I loved his qualities,good and even his bad. He's managed to make it look cute,trust me on this one. The welcoming sunshine had warmed us on our journey away from our home. We didn't get a lot of time to be out like a family like this or to enjoy the peacefulness of life. Well I did anyway,I had a feeling that the twins liked digging and finding beetles and worms that they would find.

At the time,the cherry blossoms had just begun to blossom and follow the wind's tail when it came to lift everything else away. And in a way t did more than carry away leaves and the  petals. It carried away the only family I knew and held dear.

I wasn't responsible enough for them and I had dozed against a tree for no more than five minutes. Even if I was one year older I wouldn't have been that responsible. I had a sinking feeling from the beginning that I shouldn't have shouldered the burden from the start, everyone was telling me I was too young and too eager but the idea of having my two brothers ripped away from each other and me struck me to the very core with a grief I couldn't bear to handle. At first it was difficult,the food bills,utilities,toys and caring for children that I could barely watch properly. My own health was deteriorating and for their sake I quit school to work jobs full time. I did all that I could to preserve their innocence longer than my own had lasted. I knew I should have listened but replaying these 'I should's over and over in my head was making their loss harder and harder to comprehend. After their funeral I had sat in bed for four long hours,silently waiting to hear their excited and happy hushed whispers and giggles that were never to come. It pained me knowing they wouldn't sit with me in the wooden house where I once had breakfast with a full family of five,reduced to three and finally one. I wanted anything to help me forget and after two more weeks of pure agony I decided I wanted to join them too. Though at the time I wasn't even sure if I would get to Heaven,Hell most likely. Deep down I knew I belonged there in the end. 

But when I took those pills that fateful night I didn't end up there or where I hoped my brothers would go. Rather instead of hell fire and the freezing cold I felt a comfortable warmness,just like that day. The last day I had with my baby brothers before I let them slip out of my grasp. My heart thudded at the thought of it and I had to swallow down a sob to hide it.  I hated the way it  hurt me, abandoning the world like this but I knew it was going to be the right thing to do. If it didn't happen to me now I just wanted someone to shoot me in the end

The transition through the welcome embrace of that dreamless sleep was the most relief I have had in days since the funeral. It held me tight like a hug and everything seemed so painless all at once. I was only vaguely aware that I was dying, everything at the moment was too blurry and then I felt a jolt. I knew I was too horrible to die a blissful death like that,though I wasn't eager to look who had saved me. Though instead of the white washed walls of the hospital that I expected to greet me,two individuals were staring own at me. I hadn't had a clue what they were but I knew for a fact that they lacked human attributes. One had a smile like the sun and sent a painful thump in my heart,his snow white curls bounced as he moved though there was no indication that he seemed old either. In fact,he couldn't have been more than 5'5 or a bit shorter than that. The child-like wonder in his eyes mixed with innocence hurt me more than it should have. It reminded me of them too much,looking at the other much quieter individual I noticed that his eyes were a deep enchanting royal purple,his gaze pierced me and kept me staring until he had turned away. He was significantly taller than the other one and was probably over six feet yet not over seven. And it wasn't like he was lean like a pencil either. He put the men in my town to shame,he was the epiphany of what girls craved for in wet dreams. The panther,which I gathered must be a panther due to his ears and tail said nothing from the moment I had woken up. Instead he signed a few things to his lamb partner who excitedly tugged me out of the bed. It was a whirlwind,the negative voices were being shoved aside. They had to,the lamb who introduced himself as Quincy wouldn't leave any silence for them to fill. 

Although I wasn't ungrateful for that. I found myself smiling and laughing at his childish reactions and his hyperness that seemed to have no end. He led me around to a new city that I couldn't even had comprehended had existed ever before. The lights were magnificent and the people around had the same animal like features, sure the features differed from animal and animal. This whole experience was so refreshing in itself. The depressive stupor that had to built itself around my mind had broke as all these experiences flowed and filled my head. It's hard to be depressed with so many people happy and content with themselves. Afterall,it was something fresh out of a Sci-Fi novel that was right in front of my mind. All I wanted now was to find a way to be happy,I hoped my brothers would have understood my reasoning. They would have been upset to see my state before,I couldn't help it. It took a chance in environment,a drastic one at that. I wanted,no I needed to be a part of this new world. I wanted to experience life freely like it was meant to. I wanted to live as one of these people. I just never realized what dark shadows lurked behind the glimmer and lights of a deceiving city.

Who could blame me? I was a country boy