Beasts: Diary Entries of Unspoken words

Kai (Lupus)

Standing in the Sidelines 

It's burning I rather be numb. Battle wounds hurt the most but not the longest. Eventually all scars fade and begin to disappear but in my opinion not being loved is the one that stings the most. It's wrong,yes I know that but is it my fault? I suppose so. I knew from the beginning that I shouldn't be feeling these thing syet I went ahead and allowed myself to feel and nurture these feelings until they grew and blossomed some more. Now everytime he smiles I can't help but let my hear thud and throb yet at the same time I know from one taste of his body and his lips will have me devour him whole in mind and body. I can be in love with him but on the opposite side of the spectrum I might be yearning for the taste of his flesh and blood sliding down my throat and into my stomach. He's a lamb and as nature dictates I'm a wolf. His most ferocious natural predator. I'm terrified to let him find out what emotions are going through my body. The strong desire of hunger,the want and yearning. I feel disgusted with the primal side of my body while my rational thoughts want to protect the little lamb. I want to hold him close and show him how good I can be.

 But I don't live in a fairy tale. I'm a rational wolf. Now I just need to make myself believe that. For now, I am more content just watching from the sidelines and protecting him. I know for a fact that at least Serpent has eyes for him and I'm not liking it one bit. I know the kind of person he is,a player. He has girls and just about everyone else fawning all over him like he's the next God. I hate him with all my being and soul. Possibly more if I have it. If I let him go near Quincy he'll taint and destroy his innocence in an instant. That's why he has me. All he needs is me and only me and I won't let anyone else lay their disgusting hands on my little lamb. They'll have to go through me first and I wish them luck. They don't know a single about him,his nervous ticks,what he likes best,what foods he loves...they don't know anything. The bastards just assume and keep trying to feel him up like he's some fuck toy. It makes me want to vomit. The bile rises up in my throat just thinking about their filthy hands roaming his small,lean frame. I hate them and I hate people like me. People who can't tell the difference between love or their blood lust. Everytime he comes near I'm full of so many conflicting emotions. I'm always torn between deciding to smash my lips against his and pinning him down against the wall or biting down into his pale shoulder and savoring the sweet taste of his blood. It's sick,I know. I even went vegan for him once when we shared a hotel room for a week. Needless to say,I'm smitten with him. The hunger gnawing away at me and the temptation for sex and red meat had me on the edge of my rational sanity.

But I'll do anything for him.