After the afterparty

I made my peace with all this sorrow

-Bailey, honey, mom is here, mom will be right here with you, don't worry.

-Mom, I'm scared-he replied

-Honey, I'm right here, Dr. Link is very talented, you will be just fine-I said-Now we need to gas you to sleep, okay?

-Anesthesia? Oh no-He said

-You are very intelligent, aren't you buddy?-Link asked

-I got it from my mom and dad-he said

-Okay, so you may also know we need to fix your leg right away, so that you can get better. After this you will run like an athlete-He tried to calm Bailey

-Okay-Bailey said.

Those were his last words before they sedated him.

-Okay people, we gotta move fast-Link said-10 blade! Grey, seriously, you can go. Sorry but you are helpless here...

-Fine, but I'll be in the gallery watching

-Fine-he replied

I went up to the operating theatre, and paged Amelia and Maggie 911, which is why they arrived after 30 seconds

-What happened!!-Amelia asked looking at me

-OH MY GOD!-Maggie screamed whilst looking at Bailey on the operating table.

-What happened to him?-They both asked

-Open femur fracture with a compromised artery.

-Oh my god-Amelia said

-I didn't call you two to keep saying oh my god! So please shut up

-Right, sorry-Maggie said

I went up to the intercom and pressed it so that I could talk to Link while in surgery.

-Atticus, how are y'all doing down there?

-Meredith, calm the hell down and let me do my job!

-He is my son!

-I freaking know that! Okay? He is doing fine, we are checking for artery damage, but seems fine, and now we are about to fix the bone.

-Okay-I said- Make sure to- but he interrupted me

-Meredith, shut up!

At this point we were shouting

-I won't though, because I am his mother!

-Okay, yeah but you are not his surgeon!- he said- So, for the tenth time, let me do my freaking job!

I then, too nervous to keep fighting, sat down and just prayed for the best outcome possible.

-Meredith, you really shouldn't be here-Maggie told me- you are way too nervous. And you are making Link nervous. He isn't performing at his best, so just let him do his job and go somewhere else. Now- she said pretty firmly.

-Whatever happens, call me. Understood?- I asked her

-Yes, I know. Just go.

After that, I left the operating theatre practically running. I needed to leave, I needed to hide... I needed to disappear as soon as possible.

I went out of the hospital, and threw up. I was choking in my pain, and there was no one to help me, to hold me... except for Jo. When she saw me, she came up to me and held my hand. She said everything would be alright, and that Link was gonna succeed in the surgery.

Then, I went to the attendings lounge. Jo didn't leave my side at all, and she even suggested going to the cafeteria, but I was too nervous to eat or drink anything. I was happy before, and now my world had been turned upside down, again. When I was a resident, I went through hell and back, I survived the most unimaginable experiences ever, and yet I had made my peace with all that sorrow. Now my peace was gone, and now... was time to survive again...