After the afterparty

Who says?

"And we all know it's never gonna become something more serious", I quote from a couple of days ago. I was so wrong...

-So um... would you like to come to dinner tonight?-I asked Link.

-What about your sisters and the kids?

-With them- I said- the other day, you helped me at Bailey's birthday party. You seem to like kids and they seem to like you.

-Okay then, should I bring anything?

-No, don't worry. Just bring yourself

-Got it, pretty easy- he joked- See you- he said as he left.

Tonight could go either way: really bad or fabulous. Let's pray it's the last one.

I was really nervous, so much that I had to go talk to Amelia, you know, just so that she gives me some advice. Yeah, Amelia, the crazy one out of the three of us (Maggie, Amelia and I). But believe it or not, she gives great advice... 

-Amelia, I need your help. I know we've talked about this before, but Atticus is coming home tonight for dinner, and it could go either really well or it could be a disaster. How do I prevent the disaster?

-Well, first step is calming down. You are overreacting, and you will creep him out Mer.

-Oh, come on, he knows how weird I can be. I also don't want to make a huge deal out of this, maybe it's nothing too serious.

-If you are this worried, it means you care. Why are you so... so damn cold! When it comes to dating, you are so scared, so, so... so damn insecure! Live your life, god Mer. You'll see later if it's something serious or not, but for now, have fun and stop worrying. Understood?

-Wow, don't get mad at me-I said

-Oh I don't get mad, it's not my problem after all, I'm just saying, stop overthinking every move you make.

-Okay, I'll try. Thank you Amelia...

-That's what sisters are for, I gotta go now, but I'll be there at dinner at 8. See you...

Okay, so here is the thing: we all know I'm not good at asking for advice nor at taking it. But Amelia had a point, I ALWAYS worry too much, whenever I'm meeting someone, it's just how I was made. Or maybe not, maybe I turned into this overreactive person after Derek died. But I should really try not to be like that. I can never have fun, because of that. I can never have a stable relationship, because of that. So after Amelia talked with me, I thought to myself...why not? Maybe this time is different, maybe this time I don't lose, maybe I win. Maybe this time, is all it takes to change my life forever...

Who says you can't be so done with love and at the same time, fall in love? Who says you just get one true love and that's about it?

It hurts me in so many ways to say what I'm about to say, but maybe this time I'll actually commit to putting the effort necessary to make this relationship work, whereas with Nathan, I didn't do that. Don't get me wrong on this, because it is really important for you to understand what I'm saying... I fought for Nathan, I did. I gave battle every step of the way, but that change inside me was yet to be made, and so maybe our relationship wouldn't have been so "worn out" had I made up my mind earlier. Remember when I would go into Amelia's room and tell her I felt like I was betraying Derek? Maybe that's what kept me from succeeding in my relationship with Nathan. So I won't make the same mistake this time. This time I will kiss my insecurities goodbye and move on...