After the afterparty

What do you want from me?

A miserable day. That's how I can describe it. Horrendous in every single aspect. I was supposed to get my period this same morning, but I hadn't yet. I felt some cramps, however, and felt a bit nauseous. But nothing weird. I always felt that way when I was supposed to be on my period. Anyway, I went to the hospital, as my shift was about to start. I was tired as hell, I felt fatigued and overall terrible. I dropped Ellis off at daycare and went to the attendings lounge, then changed into scrubs and left for the pit. I had no surgeries today, which made it even more miserable. So to make myself feel better, I headed to the lab instead, to continue with my research. To my surprise, Link was there. He told me he was trying to find a preventive way to fight cancer in kids, and of course, everyone else. We had a little conversation, told him it was very noble of him, and then I left. I had hoped to stay with him a bit longer, but I just couldn't stand to be around him too much. His presence kinda irritated me, and I didn't know why, but it just did. Soon I realized it wasn't just his presence, but everyone else's what irritated me as well. I suddenly felt the need to be alone, to have some me-time. I wouldn't have to worry about keeping up with a conversation, because it was just me, myself and I. Many people paged me to the lounge, but all I kept thinking was "What do you want from me?"

The day didn't end as quickly as I had hoped. Instead, it felt like three years time. A knock at the door. Somebody was knocking at my door, bothering me at my door. The door of MY on call room. My door... "who is it?" "It's me, Atticus" "leave me alone" "what is the matter with you?" "I want to be alone" "okay, I'll check on you later" "bye"

Why was I like this? I mean, why did I feel as if I was walking on clouds? Like nothing really matteted to me at all? I fell asleep on the bunk beds, and a couple hours later, another knock at the door woke me up. "Who is it?" "Me" "leave me alone" "Meredith, you have been alone for almost five hours" "what do you want from me?" "I just want you" "well you can't have me today" "no, I mean I want to see your face and make sure you are okay" "I'm fine, you can go"

Another two hours. The cage that was my heart couldn't be bothered to open. I didn't know why. Even I was getting tired of myself. And I knew, deep down, that, sooner or later, Link would get tired of me too.