〰 There's no end, there's no goodbye disappear with the night. No time. 〰
I'm not ready to say goodbye. Yoongi came with me to the river after that moment. We have been here for two days now. We have been remembering you. Hearing how good you were to people makes it hurt a little less. I just still feel bad about everything I told you. I really didn't want to say it. I always say what I don't feel. I found the tape you left in my room. I'm playing with it in my hands. I can't take my eyes of it. I want to watch it but I'm not brave enough to do it.
- Let's watch it together, when you want to pause it, do it. When you feel it's too strong let's turn it off.
We did it, Yoongi put it playing on his car tv, the good things of being a police. I paused it when I saw you. I toke a deep breath and leaned against Yoongi's chest.
- Okay, now I'm ready. - I press played and there you were. I saw the date, this was the night you were killed. You're back with black hair and toke of your piercing. You were back to you. You were Jimin, my Jimin.
"Hi baby. Yes I'm calling you baby because you are my only baby. When you see this I'm probably gone. I know you need space. I know you didn't want to say that words you did before. Don't worry. I know you will understand that later and maybe you can look for me at that time. I will never leave you. I will be just out for a little."
I paused and cried. No Jimin. You will not be out just for a little. You are gone forever.
Yoongi kissed my hair and hugged me hard against him. I cleaned my eyes and press play again.
" I want to tell you for my words what was being undercover. I want you to know what I did there. I'm not proud of it but it helped me grow up as a person. It helped me see how lucky I am to have you. How lucky I am to have someone who loves me the way I am and treats me right. It helped me to see how much I love you. I was with V, you know that I won't lie to you but I was always seeing you and feeling you. When he kissed me I only saw you. I felt your lips, I swear I did. Because in my heart there's no other place to anyone else. I know you might not believe in that now but it's what I really feel. I felt bad for him. Nobody ever loved him right. No one even loved him. That's the only connection I have with him. I feel sorrow. That's only. I wish he will find someone that loves him but that someone is not me. I'm the someone who loves you and that will never change.
Well let's start for the day when I went away, when all this started...."
I was so stupid. Listen to your story made me realize that I was a worse person to V. He has the same problem as me. And you toke care of him like you did with me. You are such an amazing person. I'm so proud of you. I hope you are proud of you too.
"So when you probably see this video I made for you tonight, I'm probably gone. I wanted to tell you our story, how I see it. I wanted you to see what I think about V. I don't regreat being undercover. I regreat all the lies I told, to you, to V. But I never lied about loving you. So Jungkook-ah, I love you."
I paused in the moment when you smiled before you turned off the camera. I'm staring at you for a long time. How could I lose you? How could I let you go? I looked at Yoongi and his eyes were red of crying to. When he looked back at me he smiled. I looked around and found a flower. The ones that looks like ours. I got up from Yoongi's lap and toke one. I came back to him.
- Do you know what this is? - Yoongi looked at me really confused.
- A flower?
- Yeah, I know hyung. When I came here for the first time with Jimin in our first date I told him that for me the most beautiful thing a boy could give me was flowers. - I'm setting back next to Yoongi and smiling remembering this day - he told me he was going to be right back, I thought he was kidding with me like the other kids did back at school. Ten minutes later I got up because I was going home, I though he was making fun of me and had left me alone there but when I turned around he came back with this flowers. I was really embarrassed but at the same time really happy because he was all full of soil just for make me feel good.
