From Once To Always | ✓completed

eleven

Macy's Pov-

The time I last saw him, just one day in a lifetime, surrounded by others - I wanted to beat the shit out of him. I wanted to punch him, kick him, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt the only other person I loved other than my family. Charlie stands there rubbing his face where I hit him only moments before. Then, he regains his posture and he bites his cheek and rubs the back of his neck nervously. Damn right he should be nervous. He cheated on me with the queen bitch at our high school.

He tries to take a step closer to me but I immediately take one back for every one he takes forward. Arda instantly comes over. "Charlie, mind to tell me why the fuck you're here? Aren't you supposed to be back in New York being the asshole that you are," Arda snaps?

"Look, I understand that neither of you want to see or talk to me right now but I flew all the way to California to make amends."

I let out a laugh. "Amends? You mean you just want to play me again? I'm not stupid Charlie."

"Macy, baby, I miss you so much and I hope you can forgive me. I love you," he pleads.

"Love? You don't love me. You didn't love me when you slept with Ellison at MY party." He looks down guilty as it all comes back to me. Every single detail. I shiver in disgust as I remember her touching him and the other way around. "You know what? I thought you loved me too. I was convinced but boy was I wrong. All you wanted to do was get in my pants then throw me to the curb. I lost that love the minute I saw you kissing someone else. What a fool I was. Good thing I'll never make that mistake again," I say with a glare.

"I do love you! How could you be so cold," he asks, keeping his eyes steady, resting on my face like we were back home, briefly, just briefly, the sorrow building up.

I stayed rooted to the spot, my hair moving softly away from the cheekbones that had become so much more prominent over the previous weeks. My features buckled just slightly before I spoke, the only betrayal of my grief. "You say that like it means anything. What is love to you? There was a time I gladly took torture for you, to protect you, remember? Yet you gave me up as soon as there was a threat to yourself. That isn't loving, or at least not a version of it I can respect. You broke me, then attacked the pieces, so full of rage that I couldn't function after what you did. There isn't a woman alive that wants a man who would betray her. At the point of death, you should have said to pull the trigger, that you'd rather die than give me up. It's what I did for you so many times." My face was paler than I ever recalled it is as if my very blood was shrinking away from his presence.

He broke his gaze, preferring instead to rest his eyes on the wall behind, on the floor. Then he spoke with the same voice he reserved for when he was accusing someone, "You don't know how it was. You just like to judge me. Have you any idea what I did for you? Any idea at all?" Then he turned back to me, face set like an adversary, eyes cold, muscles tense. I broke down a little more inside than I was before - the pieces becoming shards. I knew love to him was a kind of possession. No possession, no love.

"Charlie, we are over. It's your fault, you cheated on me. You should just leave. Go back home to your perfect life, without me," I say harshly as my eyes tear up.

He is about to say something before he closes his mouth again and turns his back to me, walking away. I start to walk away towards the door and when I feel Arda's hand grab gently to my arm, I look back at her. She hesitantly lets go, her hand still hovering, after she saw tears in my eyes. She knows how much I hate people seeing me cry."Be safe," she whispers and I can somehow hear it through the loud music of the club.

I nod back because if I open my mouth a loud sob will come out. I turn back around and hurriedly push my way through the crowd. One I get to the door, a group of three guys stands there as I continue to push through. As I walk in between two of them one grabs my arm roughly. Anger boiled deep in my system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and I know it's too much for me to handle. The pressure of this raging sea of anger would force me to say things I do not mean, or to express thoughts I've suppressed for weeks.

I know I have to get out of everyone's way before I erupt in my furious state. I know that this feeling will pass, but while it hasn't, I'm well aware I could really hurt people. So I escape. I run. I don't check who was holding my arm. I bolt out of the club's doors, jamming earbuds into my ears. Music pours out, sounding like the most beautiful noise I'd ever heard. I turned it up, shutting out the world around me and I just... Let go. Of everything.

I allowed the darkness I felt swallow me whole for a little while, but my music felt like it was flowing through my veins, calming me from head to toe. I slowly emerged from the anger I possessed and I stopped running.

I make the first right turn and go down an empty alleyway on the side of the building. I take deep breaths before I do a 180-degree turn and punch the wall before letting my fist rest there as tears fall down my face in a steady stream. I slowly sink down to the floor and hug my knees, feeling the blood roll down my hands before the small drops fall onto the floor.

My eyes drip with tears. My walls, the walls that hold me up, make me strong just... collapse. Moment by moment, brick by brick, they fall. Salty drops fall from my chin, drenching my shirt. Perhaps these tears will help wash the blood out. I press my head against the wall. I am anything but innocent. I'm trembling. I can't-can't stop. Even as I press my hand against the wall it shakes, it trembles. It's raw, everything, raw tears, raw emotions. I can't stop... I can't stop. Why can I not stop crying?

The thoughts are accelerating inside my head. I want them to slow so I can breathe but they won't. My breaths come in gasps and I feel like I will blackout. My heart is hammering inside my chest as it belongs to a rabbit running for its skin. I try to make everything slow to something my brain and body can cope with. I feel so sick. I want to call someone but the phone is tucked in my bag... far away, it's too far away, it's too far away. I don't know who to call, what's their number, who to call, too far away, he's gone, he went, breathe, gone, what number, too far away... blackness... creeping blackness... I'm on the floor in a ball- the fetal position, my hands pressing on my head to try and numb my racing thoughts. Where am I, what's my name, who to call, what's the number, the ground is spinning...blackness...he's gone...

Word count-1322