Escape || S.M.

16- Awkward

[13-01-2018 // dd-mm-yyyy]
[Maggie's POV]

*emotional and possibly triggering for some people at the very beginning. If you're triggered by lack of self-confidence, body image issues or eating disorders you might want to skip the first part of this chapter. Be aware. Stay safe.

•••

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I just wanna cry.

The words appear in my journal. I've been working on a few lyrics these past days. If I'm gonna be sad and cry myself to sleep, I better put my stupid emotions into something creative.

"Maggie?" I hear a voice and a knock on the door. A little "yes" comes out of my mouth and I sit up on the bed waiting for the door to open.

"Have you had lunch yet?" Adam looks around the room before I notice his grey eyes gazing right into my black ones from the doorway.

"Uhm, I'm not really hungry, to be honest."

"But you came from the class an hour ago, you haven't eaten anything." his eyes show worry, which makes my heart clench.

I don't like seeing people worried over me, I think I've been causing Sky and Adam to stress a little. I feel bad, I mean, I'm staying at their house, eating their food and on top of that, getting them worried. I'm the worst.

"Don't worry, I'll get something to eat when I come down to record with Sky."

"Ok. She said you can come down whenever."

"Sure, I'll be right down."

Adam flashes me a smile before closing the door, I get up and walk towards the bathroom. Looking at me in the mirror, I hate myself.

Some days I like what I see, most days I don't. My greasy, frizzy hair is a mess in a bun on top of my head, my colorless eyes look puffy and tired from crying myself to sleep these past days and I look like a freaking rectangle.

No wonder no one wants me.

I decide to suck in the tears and get downstairs to record and do some final touches on a few songs. The album is coming together and I'm happy with the songs we chose and how everything is turning out. It's nice to see your ideas, thoughts, and pain turn into something beautiful that people are going to listen to, relate and confide in.

"Hey. You ready?" Sky comes skipping into the kitchen. Gorgeous girl, amazing green eyes, long lashes, cute button nose, big full natural lips, skinny yet curvy, sweet, caring, nice, perfect girl.

"Yes."

"Have you eaten?"

"Yeah." A lie slips past my lips. "I just can't eat a lot. Everything makes me feel a little sick. I feel like throwing up all the time."

It's not a lie.

Adam walks into the room with wide eyes. His jaw drops at my words making me look at him with a raised eyebrows, not really understanding his reaction.

"Are you Pregnant?"

"WHAT? NO!!" I quickly respond and get a glass of water to calm me down.

"You're so stupid sometimes." Sky swats his arm making him wince a little and look down at her. "Maggie please tell me what's happening. We're worried about you."

"It's nothing I'm okay, let's just get to work."

"You're lying. Tell me or I won't let you sing." Sky says in a firm tone. She's always been the big sister and she usually keeps me and the girls in line, I guess it's comforting in its own way.