Poems for the Lost

Tears

I'm frustrated
I want to cry
I feel like I can't do anything right
I'm stuck in a cage of sorrow and fear
No, no one can help me here
I messed up
Yet again
I turn to cry to a friend
But who will listen
It doesn't matter
I'm tired
My head is pounding from artificial lights
From anger
From sadness
I want to go home but I'm here
In my house
In my room
On my bed
Where is home
What is that place
Something tells me to press forward but I'm here
What is this place
I'm swimming through a dark liquid in my mind
Drowning
In tears
I will myself not to cry
Not here
Not in the safety of my own home because this is not home
This is not the time
I am not in the right state of mind
To cry
But I want to
I want to let the flood course through my body and swallow me whole
Spitting me out on some dusty shore
Waiting for this weepy week to happen all over again
Because when it rains it pours
When is shakes the whole earth crumbles from my feet
I can not find a positive in this bad day
Because I am not willing to change
Until these poisonous tears leave my body
But I hate crying
Yet I want to cry
My head throbs as I try to find a new emotion
But all I'm left with is a numbness
Leave Me alone is all I can think but nobody is here to leave me
Who am I talking to
Me?
No.
That rat in my mind trying to convince me I am crying
I am a hopeless blithering fool
I can not
You can not
We can not
STOP IT! GO AWAY! BE QUIET!
I CAN NOT TAKE ANYMORE OF YOUR
poison
No tears will come today because tears feel like poison
I have to move on or I will be poisoned
My cat stirs in its slumber beside me and I realise
I am not poison
I am a human
Going about my own life so caught up in my nightmares
I have not seen other people's as valid
I need to slow down and think
Or stop thinking
But don't tell me to breathe because trust me
I have that down
Deep breaths don't help I've tried
Just let me think
So these tears don't spill
Because tears feel like poison