You, my Punishment (Islamic Story)

Chapter 48

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I was looking over at Yassir and saw him a bit tense, driving the car. I needed answers. I really did.

"How old are you?" I asked him. He looked over at me annoyed before turning his head away. I thought that he wouldn't answer my question.

"Twenty-five" He said. Twenty-five. So he was older, but that was obvious. I mean, look at him. He's very tall and was built. He didn't look anything like Yessin. They were really different.

"How old am I?" I asked him and he looked at me as if I'd grown a second head.

"You ask me?" he said laughing humourlessly. I looked at him but turned away, feeling a bit annoyed.

"I don't even know who I am, how am I supposed to know that?" I asked quietly. He sighed and looked at me.

"Yessin is eighteen. He will be nineteen in two months" he said looking away. So I was eighteen. That meant that my supposed to be parents didn't change my age. I didn't know how to believe them. Or them. Or Yessin. This guy, this guy who sat beside me, isn't my brother. And I was sure of it. I don't know. No, he is my brother. No he isn't. Or.. or he is. No. Yes. No he ca-

"Stop!" I yelled and Yassir immediately stopped the car and looked at me to see what was wrong. I was breathing heavily and closed my eyes. I can't do this.. I really can't. What if it's true? I don't want it to be true..

"What's wrong?" Yassir asked with a different tone. Like.. Like he sounded caring. No, he didn't..

"I was yelling at the voices in my head to stop, not at you.." I said feeling embarrased. He didn't say anything but started driving again. I was trying to get my breath, feeling a pain in my chest. I thought about my 'mother'. What did she look like? Would she hug me? Why did they do it, giving me away? Ya Allah, what was I thinking. What mum? What hug? They were not my family. They're not..

"How many siblings do you have?" I asked him. I wanted to know. If it was all true, I wanted to know it all.

"It's only me and Yessin" he said, emphasizing the word 'only'. That really made me feel annoyed. I knew that he didn't want me, but the feelings were mutual.

"Don't worry. I don't believe this all too" I said and he just shook his head. After a while he parked in front of a house. We just stayed like that, looking at the house. It felt actually.. comfortable. Sitting there with him, looking at that house. I didn't know who lived there, and if that was their house, but it did feel.. different. It felt like I could feel the warmth coming all over me, even though I'd never went inside. That was when I saw a hand in front of me waving and I turned to Yassir. He mentioned to me to go out and I did. Then I followed him to that house. To that white house which looked so lovely, like there was really life in there. Just before I could say something he grabbed my arm and let me inside. The first thing I heard was a the sound of a baby crying. Everything was white and I looked around with my mouth open. It was little, but it was still beautiful. And the feeling, the warmth. Yassir tugged me along to a room and before he opened the door to another, I took a deep breath. That's when the door opened and I saw her.. Her.. She looked at me with wide eyes. We both froze. Her.. her face was just the same as me, only older. She had little brown eyes just like me. A little whipnose like me.. Her eyebrows, lips- everything was the same and it scared me. I was scared of it. I was scared of everything. That it was really the thruth.. That I would break down when they actually say that they left me.. That they would beat me up, like the others did.. I don't want this. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my breathing. When I opened my eyes, I saw her still looking at me. Her eyes- it felt like they told me a story. I could read her eyes so easily, just like how people could do it with mine.. Hurt.. Relieve..Sadness.. and the most bizarre one.. Happiness.. and that was when reality hit me. I shook my head and turned around. I needed to get out of there. I can't do this. I am not ready. I started to walk away when I heard it..