You, my Punishment (Islamic Story)

The End

But just before I could realize what was happening, he pushed me away. My eyes were wide and my face was burning. My fingers went to my lips and they were warm, even though I felt a coldness a few seconds ago. This.. this was the first time someone had kissed me. When I looked over at Aneel he didn't look me in the eyes but shook his head and walked inside. He was mad. He was very mad. And I wasn't going to end it like this. We needed to talk. It had been enough. I ran after him and saw that he was already inside. He had left the door to our house open. For me, I guess. I went in, took my shoes and coat off. He was in the living room and I walked over to him.

"What was that about?" I asked him. He rolled his eyes. He was sitting on the couch and put his face in his hands.

"It was exactly what you wanted" he said. I thought for a second. What did I want? What did I really want? What was I fighting for? Why all this pain?

"How do you know what I want?" I asked slowly. He stood up but didn't take a step. It was going to lead to a fight but I was sick of this.

"Do you know what I want?!" I half-yelled. He just looked at me. I looked around and saw a vase which had dust on it. I haven't even cleaned this house properly. I am worthless. I grabbed the vase and threw it to the ground. Aneel didn't even flinch. I grabbed another.

"How would you know what I want?!" I yelled. I threw the other vase on the ground. Then I went to the kitchen. I grabbed some plates and glasses. I didn't know what took over me and what my intention was. I just needed to let out this stress. I grabbed the plates and went over to Aneel.

"I want to be happy!" I said, while throwing a plate around the house. By every single thing I said I broke a plate. Tears were streaming down but I didn't care. It was like therapy. It felt good. Really good..

"I want a happy family! I want to work! I want to feel independent!" I yelled. I threw the last plates on the floor and grabbed the glasses.

"I want to feel free! I don't want to care about anything! I want these nightmares to stop! My past is always in my present and I want that to stop!" I yelled. I threw a glass on the television and it broke. I didn't care. I wouldn't even care if this house got destroyed. I looked over at Aneel. He didn't move. He was still in the same spot with the same expression on his face. That made me angrier.

"I want friends! I want to have a shoulder to cry on! I want to hug someone when I am happy! I want my twin! I want my mother and father to love me! I want back all the years I got hurt!" I yelled. I looked around and pushed everything off the table.

"I want to forget what you did to me! I want to forget the day you pushed me! You know how scared I was?! How scared I was that I would get beaten up again?! I still don't know what's wrong with me! I don't even know what I am saying! Its probably because I am so messed up! I don't want to be messed up! I want to be normal!" I yelled. I went over to the window and pulled the curtains off.

"I want to hang out with people! I want to study, I want a job! I want to draw every day! I want to cook for you! I want to argue with you! I want to laugh with you! You, you and damn you!" I yelled. I took a hold of my hair and pulled it. Normally, it would've hurt. But now, not really.

"I want to get to know my real family! I want to hurt the people I called family! I want Ibrahim to die! I want them to stop hitting me everywhere! I want them to stop burning my back! Have you ever seen my back?! No? No, you didn't. They melted a bottle on top of my back! Just because I stole bread that night! I stole every night bread without being caught by them, but that night they did! I want the nightmares to go because it haunts me still till now! I want that Maryam goes! I want her to stop being in your head and heart! Just when everything was falling into places, she decided to come back and mess with us! I want the voices in my head to stop! I don't want the voice in my head to stop! I don't even know what I want! What do I want?! What do I want the most?!" I yelled before I stepped in front of Aneel. I looked for the first time in his eyes since I had gone crazy. I saw that his eyes watered. Maybe it was because he felt sorry that he had to marry me. I never brought anything but trouble.