In my head || johnten

• ten •

January 21st, 2013

Johnny was finally ready to talk to Ten. It had taken him a while to make up his mind, but he decided it was best for Ten to know. Not everything of course, not right now at least. He needed to take his time to tell him that he officially had a crush on him.

"Once the time is right, I'll tell him everything." Johnny thought to himself.

Johnny walked to Ten's room, which was also shared by Doyoung, Taeil, and Yuta. When he opened the door, he noticed that besides Ten, only Doyoung and Taeil were in the room, like usual. Yuta was usually in the kitchen or living room. For some reason, he didn't spend a lot of time around the others. No one really knew why though. Johnny didn't mind them being in the room, they always minded their own business and never payed attention to him when he was in there, at least that's what Johnny thought.

"Uh, hey." Johnny made eye contact with Ten, and smiled.

"Oh hey Johnny, what's up?" Ten's face immediately lit up.

Johnny walked over to Ten's bed and sat down next to him.

"Well, you know I said I wanted to talk to you about something, so here I am." That last part came out more of a question, but Johnny just smiled awkwardly.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. So what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Ten asked, seeming very interested.

"Oh my god what if he tells me he likes me? No, no way. But why would else would he need to talk to me? He seems pretty serious right now. I've only been here for a few days, there's no way he likes me, and even if he did, he definitely wouldn't tell me this soon. Oh no. Maybe he has a boyfriend! Or a girlfriend? Wait does he even like boys? Now I'm even more confused." Ten was having a crisis inside his own head.

He suddenly felt a hand gently touch his leg, and he heard a soft "hey" that snapped him out of it.

"Oh sorry, I just got a little distracted. Anyways, what were you saying?" Ten replied, mentally cursing himself for not paying better attention.

"I was saying that for as long as I could remember, I've been different. And yes I know that's cliche, but it's true. When all of my friends started dating and getting girlfriends, I was always the odd one out. I never dated anyone or even really had feelings for anyone, and I never knew why that was. I just thought that I truly wasn't capable of feeling attraction towards people. But that's not it, that's not it at all. It was that I was told to like people that I wasn't capable of liking. It wasn't acceptable for boys to like boys, so I didn't. I was certainly capable of it, but I was told it's wrong. In the back of my mind, I would have these thoughts and feelings. Small little things, like how good that boy looks in that outfit, or how I wished I could hold his hand, but I never let those thoughts come into play. I never fully accepted them, and I would push them away until I didn't feel that anymore. My feelings weren't acceptable, so I forced myself not to feel at all. Until... now. You helped me. You helped me realize that it's okay to like boys and it's okay to be who you are and express it. You're so open and happy and it's amazing. I want to be like you. I want to be happy and I want to express my feelings for the people I love. So Ten, thank you. Thank you for inspiring me and helping me come to terms with my sexuality. I honestly don't think I would've been able to accept this if it wasn't for you. So thank you. And I'm glad to tell you that I'm officially gay......"