Night in the Ruts

Quite the Conflicted Protagonist - Steven

After I dropped Charlie off at her house, I immediately drove off to Boston to finish my evening plans.

        I was still in a bit of a daze from the kiss–it left me dizzy and breathless this time–but I managed to shake most of it off by the time I walked through the door of the apartment.

        "Eh!" Joey said.  "Steven's back!"

        I rolled my eyes, tossing my jacket over the back of the nearest chair.  I shoved all of the night's previous events behind me (saving them for a later time, of course, when I'm with Charlie again) and sat down on the only available couch cushion–the middle–which was between Annie and Joe, who seemed to just be getting comfortable.

        I'm not stupid (maybe idiotic, but not stupid), okay?  The apartment is freezing, so there's no way that this middle cushion would be warm of its own accord.  Someone, or two someones–Ahem, Annie and Joe–were obviously sitting here.  Cuddling.  Obviously.

        I couldn't help bit feel a little guilty when Annie snuggled up next to me though, resting her head on my chest and tucking her feet underneath her.  I pretended like nothing was wrong, though I could tell Joe was fuming beside me.  I don't know what signaled to me he was fuming.  Maybe it was the way his hands clenched into fists.  Or possibly the fact that his teeth were grinding together loud enough to be heard over in Hong Kong.  Oh no, it was the fact that he pointedly looked anywhere but to his direct left, where Annie and I happened to be sitting.

        I can't blame him though.  I'd be pissed too if I were him.  Shit, I'm pissed as it is.  Why would I ever do something like that?

        Okay.  Here's why.  When I met Charlie I was (a) fucked to the nines and (b) Annie and I weren't currently 'getting along swimmingly' if you will.  Nonetheless it gives me no right to go and get another girlfriend.  You see the issue is, Charlie's a really pretty girl and Annie's a really pretty girl.  They both have great personalities and it would absolutely break me to have to choose between them.

        All this and more ran through my head as I watched my thumb move back and forth on the back of Annie's hand, which was interlocked with mine.

        I felt a massive headache coming on.  When I could no longer take the grinding of Joe's teeth mixed with Joey and Tom laughing maniacally at God knows what, all on top of Brad's practicing of the guitar, I managed to sneak off to bed.  But the second I closed my eyes, the realization hit me like a wave.

        The wave sent me spiraling and tumbling backward into nothingness.  Before I hit the nothingness though, I realized that I was going to have to cause two people a lot of pain in order to right myself–two people being me and someone else.  I can't risk Charlie finding out about Annie (how ironic would that be–we just resolved all my accusations for her lying to me and cheating on me with Nicky) or vice versa.

        That's why I have to do it.  I don't want to do it, but the amount of guilt on my shoulders has been affecting my performances, hindering my song writing (not that there's been much if that anyway) and I've been loosing sleep over it too.

        As I was still tumbling backwards, Annie joined me.  I pretended to sleep.  Oh, yes, dipshits, she sleeps with me.  We've been together for almost five years, okay?

        Out of sheer habit, I draped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.  A second tidal wave, this one of guilt, hit me right between the eyes.

        I've gotta make this decision and I've gotta go through with it.  The sooner the better.  And I've got a pretty good idea of who it's going to be.