Night in the Ruts

Well the Thing is... - Nicky

I blinked awake in the harsh light of Saturday morning.  Same ol' same–the headache, the dizziness, the nausea... Wait.

        It dawned on me that something felt different.  As if something were out of place again.  Like something happened that shouldn't have hap– Charlie.

        I remember now, sort of.

        Charlie came over last night and went out to party with us.  Why'd she party with us?  Because I let her.

        Seeing as it's one in the afternoon, I roll out of bed and trudge down the stairs to get something to eat.  Why didn't Harry wake me up again?

        My mom was in the kitchen, standing in front of the stove, frying up something that smelled absolutely delicious.  I don't know where my dad went–maybe left.  You see, my dad was going up to New York for a few weeks and he needed a break from his driving (I mean, he came all the way from Vegas) so he decided to crash here for a few days.

        "Nicky," my mom said.  I jumped, not expecting her to notice me.  "Can you tell Charlie that breakfast is ready?  She's still asleep."

        A hiss of a laugh escapes me.  Asleep?  Yeah, more like passed out.

        Nonetheless I go into the living room and try to wake her up.  And when she finally does (it was a task, may I just say), she looks horrible.  Is that what I looked like after my first party involving booze and dope?  Her eyes were all bloodshot and she was paler than usual, she still looked really tired, but seemed to brighten up at the mention of food.

        I guide her to the table because she's still kinda dizzy, where three plates of bacon, toast, and chocolate chip pancakes sat.  My mom was already seated.  "So what did you guys do last night?" she asked.

        "Nothin' much," I say.  Charlie shrugs; Mom sighs.

        I wonder if Charlie remembers doing anything last night.  I mean, she actually smoked a few buds and got drunk!  She drank the beer that Marky had eventually laced with acid!  I wonder if she regrets any of it.  I know I do.

        No, I don't regret doing it myself, but I regret allowing Charlie to do it.  Why?  Because I know exactly why she did it: to try and forget about Steven, who lied even when he was breaking up with her.

        Yep.  He's not happy?  Bullshit.  He's cheating on her.  Cheating.  On.  Her.

        That's why I feel horrible.  It's one thing if he breaks up with her.  Yes, I'd feel bad.  But the fact that he goes for the whole 'I'm not happy' façade... That makes me feel even worse.

        It's making it seem like Charlie was the one that didn't let things work out between the two of them.  It's making it seem like she's boring or something.  Too much of a lightweight–

           Oh my God, that's why she did it!

        Charlie came over to my house last night to prove that she's not a boring person by getting wasted and risking her life with a bunch of fuckwits that have no idea what they're doing dabbling in drugs and alcohol!  She wasn't trying to forget about him, she's trying to prove a point to–not only herself, but–everyone else, that she can actually have a 'good time' because she took the fuckin' fucktard's word on the whole fucking situation of him not being fucking happy!

        I can't have her getting into that shit every night.  She's gotta know the real reason that Steven left her or else she'll just think that she sucks at relationships.  And I don't want her to think that because then she'd be scared to get involved with anyone (possibly–I'm thinking this through on a hunch here, people) right away and then worry that she's constantly gonna fuck it up.  And in worrying about fucking it up, she actually will fuck it up because she'll be too careful or whatever and eventually whoever she's going with really will get bored and leave her.