The Dip and the Resurface

Part 12

Tyler

Half an hour later, we were lying side by side in her bed, looking at each other.

"That was fun," she hummed with a small smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

"Yeah it was," I grinned and took her in my arms, "I'm so glad I spilled that drink down myself at the Brit Awards."

"I'm glad I didn't wear my friend's Versace shoes," she laughed.

"I'm grateful for that too," I said with a smile, tugging a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"I wish you didn't have to leave tomorrow," she whispered, her face suddenly serious.

"Me too," I pulled her closer, "but I have to."

She nodded, "I know. I just wish it wasn't so. When will you come back?"

I hadn't even considered the fact that I might not get to see her for a while and I felt a stone drop in my stomach, "not for a while.."

She gulped with glossy eyes, "It's stupid, really. I only just met you.."

"I feel the same way.." I admitted, "and I don't feel this way about just anyone. I thank God for having met you."

"I thank that guy who blinded you so you'd bump into me," she smiled, "he did a terrible job but look what happened."

I smiled at her words and stroked her hair until she fell asleep in my arms. Silently, I wished that I could fall asleep as fast as she had. But I didn't.

I thought about whether I was even doing this tour for my own sake or if I felt obligated to because it was expected of me. I thought about cancelling the whole thing and staying here with Ivy. I even ended up thinking about whether the music was worth all the things I had sacrificed. I had said my goodbyes to a lot of people around me because they weren't compatible with the way I had chosen to live my life. And as soon as I started questioning why I was even doing this tour, I knew that I wouldn't get much sleep that night.

For hours, I looked at her ceiling, and even though I was lying in bed with the smartest, funniest, and most beautiful girl in the world, I still felt insanely alone. More alone than I had felt in quite some time. I thought about last time I had felt loneliness in the same capacity as now, and before I realised exactly what I was doing to myself, I was unable to stop my thoughts.

The more time I spent staring at nothing in particular, the more I thought about how fucked up everything was - and the worse the loneliness got.

I was aware of how the people around me had started to act lately and it was driving me crazy! For weeks, I had been sick of Josh' constant worried looks. He probably thought he was being subtle about it, but we had been through all this once before and I remembered exactly how he had behaved last time.

But the worst part wasn't the constant worry; it was the fact that he wasn't acting natural around me anymore: I hated the way he always let me have the nice pillow, how he made sure that I showered and slept, how he kept acting as if I was made of glass - he even washed all my clothes and made sure that I had clean clothes to wear.

In reality, him washing my clothes was a nice gesture, because lately I had spent all my energy on stage, leaving nothing for when I was alone with him. As always, he was just the nicest guy ever. Who else would do their sulking best friend's dirty laundry? At this point, I wasn't even sure why he stuck around. He would be far better off with someone else. Someone who would appreciate his dumb sense of humour. Like I normally did, but hadn't for quite some time. I thought about how I had reacted when he had told me about his Wembley surprise. How unfair I had been when in reality I didn't deserve him.