The Dip and the Resurface

Part 24

Ivy

The night that followed mine and Tyler's little dispute was even worse than the first time around. I had cried all the way home and I had thought about him as I had been lying alone on my bed. I couldn't tell if I had made a huge mistake or if I had saved myself from even more heartbreak down the road. He lived 4000 miles away from me for God's sake!! And on top of that he couldn't even give me a proper explanation.

'This is for the best', I mumbled over and over again as if I was trying to convince myself.

In the early hours of morning, I realised that no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't get any sleep. With a sigh, I put on my bathrobe and went to the kitchen.

I had just put on the kettle when there was a knock on my door.

I looked at my watch: 5.01 am.

A second knock could be heard and then a man's voice calling softly, "Ivy?"

"Who is it?" I called out. I had no idea if I hoped for Tyler or not.

"It's Josh. Could you open up?"

I opened the door and let him inside, "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just thought I would pop in for some tea," he said in a mock British dialect before switching to his normal American, "What the hell do you think I'm doing here!" he said with bitterness to his voice.

I gave out a sigh, "Did Tyler send you?"

Josh gave out a fake laugh, "Boy, you really don't know him. He's too proud."

"So I realised," I lifted my eyebrows.

Josh continued as if I hadn't said anything, "He wouldn't even look at me. What the hell happened between you two?"

"We fought."

"And?"

"I got my closure. It's over."

"Not for Tyler!"

"What do you mean? I clearly don't mean enough for him to give me a proper explanation."

"You've got this backwards! You should have seen him!" Josh said while shaking his head slightly, "You have to understand that I've seen him at his low before, and even though this wasn't as deep as it sometimes goes, this time it was even worse to watch. He has regretted it ever since he left your apartment that morning. He had bags under his eyes, he didn't sleep, he didn't eat. All he did was stare at that stupid picture of you on his phone. You should have seen the state you left him in!"

"The state I left him in? He walked out on me!"

"And now you're doing the same thing to him!"

"I'm not taking him back. It's too complicated."

"Is it because of the depression?" Josh said and I could tell that he was getting offended.

"Depression? I'm not depressed. What are you talking about?"

Josh looked at me as if I was daft, "His depression. Is that why you won't take him back?"

"He's depressed?" I asked Josh with confusion flooding my mind.

"What?" Josh looked equally confused, "he didn't say anything?"

"Well...No?"

Josh rolled his eyes, "he's such a fucking coward. He said he would tell you.."

And then Josh explained a side to Tyler that I had no idea he had. In retrospect, I probably would have realised sooner if I had spent some time listening to his songs - but at the time, I had been too angry to even give his songs a second thought. I hadn't even listened to them since our spring roll date.