The Dip and the Resurface

Part 16

Tyler
~ One month later ~

Getting over Ivy proved to be one of the hardest things I had ever done. Desperately I had ignored the nagging voice in my head that had told me to contact her. I knew a lost cause when I saw one and this was definitely it.

That, however, didn't mean that I hadn't played with the idea of contacting her. But I had thought out every possible scenario in my head and for some reason it always ended the same way:  with me sitting broken-hearted and alone.

In my head, there were two scenarios that seemed more likely than the rest:

1) Either she would understand me and agree that I had made the right decision, leaving me no better than right now.

Or

2) She wouldn't understand a thing and I would come off not only as an asshole, but also as a mental wreck who had used her to find some sort of comfort only for a brief moment.

No matter how she'd react, I just couldn't see myself in a better position than the one I was in right now. So I decided to erase her from my memory.

It did, however, prove to be harder than first anticipated: I spent most of my time trying to ignore her as I had started seeing her everywhere again. I even tried to write songs about her to get it out of my system, but somehow it just made everything worse.

I was aware that I had been sulking for about a month now and even though Josh was trying his best to cheer me up, I still had good and bad days.

"How's the mood today?" Josh asked me when we woke up in Portugal one morning. He asked me this every now and then when he couldn't quite figure out if I was talkative or not. I had decided to be honest with him a while ago.

"I think it's an alright day today," I said with a small shrug, "better than Thursday anyway."

"Good - 'cause Thursday was worse than it has been for a while."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologise," Josh said, holding up his hands as if he was in a western movie, "just pointing it out."

At first, I had felt myself going down deeper and deeper but my days had definitely started to get better recently. Josh had been a great help and I could feel myself slowly 'resurfacing' as he called it - even though I still had horrible days. Like last Thursday.

But yesterday had felt like a turning point for me; I had woken up still high from the show in Lisbon the night before. It had, by far, been the best show of the tour and the feeling had rubbed off on me and I still felt it in my bones. I was even beginning to feel sad that the tour was coming to an end.

"Actually," Josh cleared his throat, "I'm glad that today is a good day because I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" I furrowed my brows, thinking of the last surprise he had arranged, "I hope it's a good one."

"It is," he nodded slowly, "don't worry!"

"Well?" I was getting impatient with his secrecy.

"We've been asked to perform at MTV Europe Music Awards."

"That's the surprise? That's hardly anything out of the ordinary."

"Well, that's because you didn't let me finish."

"Well?"

Josh took a deep breath, "If we accept their offer, we'll be performing alongside Matt Bellamy."