The Dip and the Resurface

Part 13

Josh

"Where the HELL have you been?" I screamed at Tyler the minute he opened the door to the hotel room, "Do you realise how worried I've been??? I was this close to calling the police!" I held up my thumb and index finger to symbolise how close I had been.

"Sorry," Tyler muttered as he kicked off his shoes and went straight for the couch. He looked (and smelled) horrible.

"Why the hell aren't you answering your goddamn phone?"

"I turned it off.. I needed to clear my mind," he wasn't looking at me.

"You can't just send a text like that at 4 in the fucking morning and then turn off your phone. What the hell is the matter with you?"

"I know...I'm sorry," he buried his face in his palms.

I calmed myself down with a heavy sigh and ran a hand through my hair, "dude, what happened last night?" I tried to ask him calmly.

"I don't know exactly.. It just got bad."

"Why? I thought you and Ivy were having a great time."

"We were! It's just that all of a sudden everything was..so overwhelming. One moment I'm thinking that this girl beside me might actually be someone I could see myself care for - and the next, everything was muddy and pointless. I had to end things with her."

"You had to what?" I looked at Tyler with huge eyes. Had he lost his mind? Did he not realise how fond of her he had grown?

"I ended things," he repeated in a small voice, "I had to. I did it for her own good."

"Her own good? How do you know what's good for her?"

"She doesn't deserve to be with anyone as fucked up as I am."

"Tyler, I'm only going to say this once; you are not fucked up!" I accentuated every word.

He didn't seem to hear me and continued, "I'd just weigh her down. I'd drag her under the surface with me."

"You haven't dragged me under!" I argued, "you haven't dragged anyone under. Why would you weigh her down?"

"I am not taking any chances. She should be with someone else. She should find someone that has the mental energy to actually appreciate her. You both should."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think we should quit the band," Tyler said softly. He still wasn't looking at me.

"Will you stop being so dramatic and listen to what you're actually saying!" I called him out, "you know just as well as I do that we both need this band. I'm not letting you do this."

"You'd be far better off without me."

"Dude, you have to stop thinking that. You know me - don't you think I would've left a long time ago if I thought I'd be better off without you? Tell me again, what's my motto?"

Tyler didn't answer me.

"Tyler, look at me - what's my motto?" I repeated.

"Never get attached," he chimed tonelessly.

"Never get attached!" I repeated, "Exactly! And you of all people know that I have absolutely no issues leaving if I don't want to spend my time on the person in question. And honestly, I've never spent more time with anyone that I have with you. You need to start realising that I'm doing this because you're the only person in the world that I want to spend all my time with. I'm not hanging around you for the fame. I'm not pretending anything for publicity. I'm here because you're my best friend. "

"Then why do I feel so alone?" Tyler asked. He was looking down at his hands again.

"I don't know," I admitted and sat down beside him on the couch, "Tyler, you have to realise that no matter how you feel, you are never alone. This is just a dip under the surface. It's just a dip.."

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life constantly dipping under.."

"You're not going to. We're going to find a solution to this, okay? You're never a burden. You're never alone," I repeated and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, "I love you, man. No matter what you think. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not letting you quit - And I sure as hell won't allow you to kick me out of my own band. Who do you think I am? Ozzy Osbourne?"

That comment earned me a little smile from Tyler, but he didn't say a word. We sat in silence for about thirty minutes both lost in thought. I realised that now wasn't the time to bring up Ivy. I knew that all I could do was be patient and let him know that I was here for him no matter what.

"You know I'll do anything for you, right?" I asked him eventually.

He nodded quietly, "I'm sorry for doubting you. Of course I know."

"Good - and you'll let me know straight away if anything's bothering you?"

"Well, there is this one thing.." Tyler started.

"Anything, man. Really.."

"I need you to stop behaving as if I'm made of glass - don't deny it," he added when I was about to interject, "you have to start roasting me again. It won't get back to normal until you do."

I hesitated for a few seconds before I said, "your beard looks weird. It's growing out all patchy and it kinda makes you look like a hobo."

"This is good," Tyler said with a small smile, "I'll shave. Anything else?"

"You need to take a shower, dude. You stink!"

"That's fair. I walked all the way from Wembley," Tyler nodded in agreement.

"One last thing," I said, "Sometimes, you're off key when we're playing Holding on to You live"

"Hey!" Tyler looked at me with a hurt expression, "How could you even say that? I'm in a really vulnerable place right now.."

I was about to apologise when Tyler cackled, "I'm kidding.. I've noticed too. I'm working on it."

"You're an idiot," I smiled and stood up from the couch, "I'll go get you a new razor. See if you can get some sleep while I'm gone."

I pulled on my shoes and a hoodie and headed for the door.

"Hey Josh?" Tyler called from the couch His face was serious, "I was wondering...You know those things you said before about hanging out with me because I'm your best friend?"

"Mmmh," I nodded, letting him continue.

"Are you sure you're not just hanging around me because of my big dick energy?" he smiled a little.

"Nice to see you're back to being your old cocky self, you idiot," I smiled and closed the door to the hotel room behind me while shaking my head. What a fucking moron.