only in the a.m [manxman] ✔️

do i wanna know?

it was sad to see her go, again. but that's what these types of relationships entail: leaving without saying good-bye, loneliness, jealousy, and falling in and out of love almost every day.

human emotions weren't supposed to get involved. it was supposed to just be sex. but, at least for lane, it turned in to something much more. he wanted love and intimacy. he wanted more affectionate conversations, rather pillow talk. but unfortunately none of this would come true.

as he would try to pull away from her web, a pang of lonesomeness or lust (that may or may not have been the result of a few drinks) would hit his heart and lane would find himself driving in back her direction. and now after leaving her bed for what seems like the millionth time, he sat there his car with the same feeling he had when he arrived. lane wanted to scream. to release the feelings he possessed, letting them out, so he would be left with nothing else to feel.

what other to do then drown worries away with a car radio. flipping through stations, trying to find one that actually was playing music become a difficult task for lane until he hit one. a young, sweet, feminine pop star's melody rang through his ears, the lyrics about love and happiness. it made him sick.

'soulmates are bullshit.' he turned off the radio, eliminating all sound from his car.

if he told her how he felt, would maybe all his problems would go away. then perhaps he could have a fairytale romance that all little kids dream about. or maybe his feelings would be rejected, and he would still be lonely. the thought of that conversation scared him, he didn't want the few good moments he had to leave.

driving down the empty and dark highway, he watched the few lights pass him by. lane began to wonder if there ever a chance she would fell the same way. or were they always just going to be something with benefits. at this point, he doubted they were even friends.

do i even want to know, he thought to himself. with such conversations, there were so many possible outcomes, all negative. the only way to have some form of a relationship was to remain silent.

his phone began to ring. his mind was immediately flooded with thoughts- was that her wanting him to crawl back and spend the night with her, that were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day...

but it wasn't. it was never her.