I need you (Jacksepticeye x reader)

Leap Of Faith

I woke up in the morning feeling numb. I had cried to the point where I couldn't anymore. I sat up on the couch and got up. Sunlight came in happily through my windows as if nothing had happened. I wanted to tell the sun to fuck off and let it be cloudy and rainy.

I dragged myself to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and there were bags under my eyes.
I looked like how I felt.
And I felt like shit.

I splashed water in my face and brushed out my hair. I glanced at myself again, but I still looked like a mess. I sighed and went back to the couch. I wrapped myself in a fuzzy blanket and turned on Netflix, wanting to distract my mind.

It wasn't long into an episode though, when my phone started ringing. I didn't want to pick it up, but curiosity got the best of me and I checked to see who was calling me.
It was Marzia.
I closed my eyes and set my phone down, not wanting to talk. It stopped ringing after a little while, but it began to buzz with text messages.

Mertz:
Y/n I know you ignored my call, but please you gotta answer.

I know you don't want to talk but you need to. You can't push this away.

I'm about to call you again and you better pick up.

I sighed when my phone began to ring again. I pressed the green button that appeared on the screen, despite really not wanting to.

"Hey, Marzia." I answered.
"Oh thank god you answered. I thought I was going to have to come over there and bust your door down." Marzia said, relieved. Normally I would've laughed at that, but I really didn't feel like it.
"I don't know what to do." I softly said, "I want to trust him, he's never done anything else to make me think he's lying, but..."
I heard Marzia take a little breath before speaking.
"From what I've been told by Felix. When he called Jack last night Jack was absolutely distraught about what happened. Felix has known him for a very long time and believes it was an accident. It's up to you though."

I rubbed my face with my free hand and sighed.

"Sometimes trusting someone is a leap of faith, y/n." Marzia said.
"What if I'm scared to jump?" I asked, a lump forming in my throat.
"Everyone is, but if you jump to the right person you won't get hurt. They'll catch you."
"Thanks Marzia." I said after a moment of silence, "I think I just need time to think right now."
"No problem, y/n. Call me anytime you need to talk."
"Ok, bye."
"Bye."

I set my phone on the coffee table in front of me and leaned back into the couch.
Should I trust him?
What if he lets me down?

My head felt like it was spinning as I tried to come to a decision.

What the fuck is wrong with me?
He hasn't let me down before.

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

Then why am I so afraid?

I opened Twitter and logged out of my account so I would stop getting notifications and then I picked up the remote, un-pausing the show I was watching. I realized I had no idea what was going on in the episode though because I hadn't been paying attention in the first place. I restarted to episode and settled back into the couch. It didn't make any difference though, because my mind was still wandering.

Oh my god.

I had just realized I was being a complete asshole. Sean saw that Mat tried to kiss me after my concert last month.

He trusted me.
And I had the audacity to not trust him.

I kicked the blanket off of me and slipped on some shoes. I quickly left my apartment and knocked on the one next door.
No answer.
I knocked again.
I heard a muffled groan.
"Coming." He sounded tired.

I heard the door unlock and the handle turn. The door opened and Sean stood there, looking down at his feet.
"What can I do fo-" he stopped when he finally looked up and saw me, "y/n?"
That's when I jumped into his arms, no like seriously I jumped and he caught me in a hug.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered.
"For what?" Sean sounded surprised.
"For not believing you. You've never given me any reason not to trust you." I closed my eyes and held on tighter to him, "I realized I was being stupid."
"You weren't being stupid." He replied softly.
"Yes I was. You've been the best damn boyfriend I could ever ask for and I was about to throw that away because I was a little bit scared."

He was quiet for a moment and he set me down, holding onto my hands still.
"You know I would never do anything like that, right?" 
"Yeah, I do." A little smile formed on his face and he hugged me again.
"And need you, ya know."
"I need you too." I gently placed my hands on the sides of his face and kissed him.

When we pulled away Sean suddenly gasped and his hands clasped together.
"How is your album doing?"
"I honestly have no idea, I kinda had other things occupying my thoughts."
"Oh, yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Let's check!" I smiled and took his hand pulling him to the couch and sitting down. I went to the top music charts and got myself ready to scroll through a ton of albums, but I didn't have to.

My album was #2.

"What?!" I practically yelled and Sean picked me up and spun me around.
"This is amazing, y/n! I'm so proud of you!" He said and eventually set me down. I had to hold onto his hand though because I was a little wobbly on my feet.
"Oops, sorry. Probably shouldn't have spun you around so many times." Sean chuckled.

After we freaked out that my music was doing so well, we celebrated by watching Avengers Infinity War. What started as one movie, turned into multiple and it was getting late. I had my head resting on Sean's shoulder and I was struggling to stay awake. My eyes finally closed and I drifted off.