I need you (Jacksepticeye x reader)

Bullshit

A/n: shit is about to go down in this chapter

Your pov again:

I watched Sean quickly leave and I turned to Mark with an eyebrow raised questioningly.
"So I know we just met, but you seem really cool and you're pretty and I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out with me? Like on a date." He said nervously.

I was about to say yes, because why not? He's hot and not boring, pretty funny actually. But for some reason I couldn't.
What's holding you back?

I wasn't sure, however something in the back of my mind was telling me I shouldn't.
"I, umm, I'm sorry I can't.." mark frowned and looked down at his feet.
"I'm really sorry." I felt bad for him.
"N-no it's ok..." he mumbled, "I'm just going to go get my stuff."
"Your stuff?"
"Yeah, I'm just going to stay over at Felix's house. I just don't want it to be awkward and stuff for you." Mark sulked away to the guest room to grab his suitcase.

Damn it.. now I feel really bad.
Why couldn't you have just agreed to one date, Y/n??

I watched as Mark quickly left the apartment with his suitcase dragging behind him.
Sean walked into the room, surprise written all over his face.

"What happened?" He asked me. I sighed and covered my face with my hands. I felt the couch shift under me and I guessed that Sean had sat down next to me. I slowly uncovered my face and looked into Sean's grey-blue eyes.

"Mark asked me out..." I finally said.
"I'm guessing by what happened, you said no?"
"Mhm." I nodded, "I feel bad..."
Sean wrapped his arms around my shoulder.
"He'll be ok," he smiled sweetly at me, "there's plenty of fish in the sea for him."
I gave a little smile for his joke.
"Yeah... I still feel bad that he felt like he had to leave though."
"That was his choice, he could've stayed if he wanted to." Sean chuckled a little, "he doesn't get rejected by girls very often so this will be good for him."
I sighed and glanced up at him. The corners of his eyes were slightly crinkled from his soft smile.

I blinked a few times, trying to tear myself away from his gaze, but I couldn't.

I was completely trapped like a deer in headlights.

That's when it happened again.
My stomach felt like it was in knots and my face heated up.

I felt myself falling apart and I wasn't able to stop it.

"I -umm -I better go.." I quickly stood up and started walking towards the door.
"Hold on-" Sean started to say and I heard him start to follow me.
"See you later, thanks for inviting me over." I rushed to my apartment and opened the door.

"Y/n! Wait!" I tried closing the door but his foot blocked it from closing, "you can't shut me out of your life randomly." He said opening the door.

"W-What do you mean?" I tried forcing a smile.
"You know what I mean!" He seemed upset, "you act fine all the time but you're not! I KNOW YOU'RE NOT!"
"BUT I AM FINE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled back at him.
"HOW ARE YOU  FINE WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON?"
"I CAN HANDLE IT!" My eyes started stinging as memories from the past 2 weeks came back to me. I quickly rubbed them and blinked forcing the tears away.
"THAT- THAT RIGHT THERE! WHY CANT YOU JUST LET YOURSELF CRY FOR ONCE?"
"BECAUSE-!" I stopped and rubbed my eyes again.
"WHY? JUST LET DOWN YOUR DEFENSES FOR 2 SECONDS!"
"I CAN'T!" I said exasperated.
"YES YOU CAN. DON'T YOU TRUST ME?"
"YOU'LL THINK IM WEAK AND PATHETIC. THEN YOU'LL LEAVE!" I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, "JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE..... JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING PERSON I LET INTO MY LIFE!"

I dropped my gaze to the floor and drew in a shaky breath.
"Look at me." He said quietly.

I slowly looked back up at him and as soon as I did I couldn't take it anymore.
Everything I held in for so long
Couldn't be held in.

Tears quickly formed in my eyes and for the first time they slid down my face. I collapsed to the ground on my knees.

I heard quick footsteps and Sean cradled me in a big warm hug. I latched onto him. He was my anchor in the worst storm imaginable.

I was sobbing
In front of someone,
in fact I was crying into their chest.
Never thought that would happen.

"I need you." I heard myself manage to whisper out before continuing to sob, "I can't lose you."

"It's ok, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Sean sweetly whispered to me, stoking my hair, "Let it out."
That just made me cry even more.

Why is he being so nice to me?

I was a fucking mess. Every breath I took shook my whole body. I couldn't get control of myself as hard as I tried. This wasn't something I could will away like I did every other time.
I buried my head into his chest, seeking comfort and also not wanting him to look at me.

I felt pathetic.
Like a child.

"I gotcha, don't worry." He quietly whispered and I felt more tears fall. I was clinging for dear life to the back of his shirt.
He hadn't left me.

He was just sitting with me in his lap, quietly hushing me and rocking back and forth. His hand rubbed my back up and down slowly in calming motions.

I began to quiet down. I was no longer sobbing, just a few tears would fall sometimes when I would blink. My breaths became less shaky and I could hear Sean's steady heartbeat against my ear.

I pulled myself away still sniffling slightly. Sean's hand still rested on mine though.
"Sorry." I wiped my face, trying to get rid of my tears.
"For what?" He tilted his head to the side slightly.
"Blowing up like that. You probably didn't want
to deal with all that." I was pulled back into a hug.
"That's bullshit. Of course I want to 'deal with all that' because I care for you in case you didn't know already. You can't just bottle up your feelings and expect them to go away." I closed my eyes, burying my head back into Sean's chest.

"Like I said before, I'm here for you."
"Thank you." I whispered.
He didn't say anything, he just shifted so his back was against the couch. He continued to hold me tight against him, despite the fact that I thought he would've left me by now.

He stayed.