Just A Suicidal Flower

a vengeful verbena

i liked myself before i met you.
if it was only a little bit,
i still did.
maybe i do now-
with the help of everyone around me,
of course.
but when i was with you,
when you were the sun to my earth,
the moon to my tide,
the peanut butter to my jelly,
i did not.
or at least,
i liked the image of me you put in my head.
i don't like who i was when i met you.

i started dressing differently-
tighter jeans,
push up bras,
cropped tops.
started styling my hair differently-
down,
curly,
no bangs.
started fucking putting makeup on-
eyeliner,
blush,
lipstick.

all for you.

all because you told me
i liked me.

because i believed
i like me this way.
with
the bigger boobs,
the exposed skin,
the darker eyes,
the plumper lips,
the attractive hair.

now
looking back on my old self

i know i looked like a
stereotypical
slut.

and i hate you for it.

*a slut shamed now shaming you*