Just A Suicidal Flower

a wishful waterlily

no one seems to understand
anymore.

sure, it was all such a big deal in the beginning-

i was a pure flower and
you
destroyed me.

all of my friends flocked to me
threatening to punch you
scream at you
avenge me.

but now
they tell me
to suck it up
that
they know you hurt me
but it's been too long
and i'm stronger than this.

[i'd like to believe i am stronger than this, but again- your fault.]

they brush it off.

some are still concerned
some recognize that i went through
some shit with you
but others still
don't really care anymore.

they
are
so
much
better
than
you
and
me.

so

much

better.

but
they don't understand
that with my anxiety
my stupid
shameful
annoying anxiety
it's hard for me to sit next to you in class
it's hard for me to talk to you
it's hard for me to recover from anything you do
whether it be you accidentally brushing
against me
or you poking me
or you trying to joke with me.

it's hard.

and they don't understand.

sometimes it's good they don't understand.

sometimes i wish they could spend a day
in my body
in my mind
in my thoughts
and try to go back to seeing it
their
strong
better
way.