Agoraphobia

Days 4 - 9 (My Recovery)

I was deeply traumatized. For six days, I was bedridden. The healing process was volatile. I'd go from being extremely clingy to totally withdrawn. I'd be quiet for long periods of time and then would ramble about the experience unceasingly for hours. Doubt and regret preyed upon me constantly. I kept obsessing over the shooting. Creating various scenarios that could have saved my friend's life if I'd done something different. I was haunted by guilt. Drowning in it.

I have to give my parents credit... they did everything right. When I didn't want to talk, they didn't try to force it out of me. And they listened actively when I rambled and ranted. And they showed me unconditional love.

When I woke on the sixth day, I felt better. During the night, my mind had found secluded repositories for the dark thoughts I'd been obsessing over. They were still with me, but were no longer interfering with my ability to function. I was ready to move on. I started to play with my sister again. Started reading again.

My parents were relieved by my recovery. Mom made some passing comment about wanting to celebrate. And I said I wished we could see a home movie. That inspired my father to use the computer's battery to charge his laptop so we could watch a movie. I picked "Monsters Inc.".

All four of us snuggled in my parents' huge bed and watched it together. For a time, we ignored the insurmountable disaster looming outside and enjoyed the movie. I laughed hard at the funny parts. And I cried happy tears when Sully and Boo were reunited at the end. The battery lasted all the way through the credits. Then the battery died. Everything eventually dies. It's no fun admitting that, but it's true.

The four of us snuggled on the bed. My sister and I felt safe, and we fell asleep.

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The next day was when I left the museum to investigate the alleged "activity" at the police station, found the police officer trapped at his desk, and collected a wagon full of food from the convenience store.

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