Agoraphobia

Day 1862 - 3758 (Boring Chapter)

The strange thing about stories is all the good ones are about horrible things. Generally, happy days make for boring stories, while bad days make for interesting ones. Conflict, death, sorrow, loss, war, passion, misery, heartache, perversion, pain, violence, explosions, murder, crime, unlikely events, extreme behaviors - these are the things that make a good story.

When I write about what happened to me after the peak, I usually focus on the horrible things because that's interesting. From my writings, most people might get the impression my life was an unceasing series of extreme and tragic events. But the truth is, most of my life on Elwood's was mercifully boring. Uncle Peter and I worked hard outside during the day. At night, we'd do our best to relax and have fun. Sometimes, we'd go for many months, or even years, without something horrible happening.

The six years following my sixteenth birthday were wonderfully dull. Uncle Peter and I fell into an efficient routine. We were no longer desperately improvising; we knew what had to be done and knew how to do it. We were rewarded with a food surplus.

And our relationships with our significant others were deeply satisfying.

The most exciting thing to occur in those six boring years was all the births. Ten babies were born in those "baby boom" years. All of them were free of agoraphobia like Garry.

Colin and Gina had a third baby named Anna.

Holly and Martin had two boys named Eddie and Stephen.

To everyone's surprise, Donna started to date Grandpa Kevin. They were very different people, but agoraphobia had thrown them together like twigs in a whirlpool. They eventually married and had a baby girl named Leelah (after the "Futurama" character).

The trend of young women pairing off with older men was broken by Jackie when the dentist announced she was pregnant with eighteen-year-old Jack's baby. They decided not to marry, but remained friends. Six months later, Adam was born.

But it was Uncle Peter and Tabitha who won the fertility trophy. They had five babies in six years. All named after "Star Trek" characters: Kira, Jadzia, Odo, Tuvok, and B'elanna.

It was a profound relief that all ten children were immune to agoraphobia. Each was a beacon of hope.

I, myself, wanted to wait to have kids of my own. Dr. Harman was ready, but I needed more time.

---------------------------------------------------

On our 10th Bacon Day, the entire community, with the exception of Tabitha and Dr. Harman, was inside the Main House, eating supper, when a strange dog traipsed in. She was a large, white and grey sheepdog. At first Bender and Bryce were angered by the interloper, but kept their distance. The new dog, meanwhile, walked about as if she owned the place.

Since her demeanor was friendly, we quickly decided to feed her scraps. Somehow, the new dog picked up the name "Hot Lips", and she became a new member of the community.

In late October, Hot Lips gave birth to three girl puppies: "Socks", "Deadeye", and "Daisy".

While the first two puppies were all white and presumably fathered by Bender, the third puppy was brown and looked like Bryce.

That's when I learned it's not uncommon for the same litter of puppies to have different fathers.

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The baby boom made expansion necessary. Ellis was transplanted to Tabitha's house where he helped her build a three-room extension.

Ellis was then transplanted back to the Main House, where he added three ground floor bedrooms and one "extra" room.

Even before Ellis was done with it, the extra room had become a controversial issue. Everyone had an opinion as to what should be done with it. Some wanted to make it a bedroom. Others wanted it to be a toy room for kids. A couple people liked the idea of a shower.

Leslie proposed it be made into an emergency room. (Keep in mind, Leslie was a twenty-one-year-old adult at this point. Years ago, Grandpa Kevin used his apprenticeship program to pair her with Aunt Roxanne to become a medical practitioner. Although technically an "apprentice", the brilliant student had long ago surpassed the master.) "We've been lucky the last few years," reasoned Leslie, adjusting her purple scrunchie. "But, sooner or later, we're going to have a REAL emergency in this house. A heart attack, appendicitis, blocked trachea, or an emergency Caesarean. When that day comes, I guarantee it won't be an extra bedroom you'll be wanting. Or a toy room, or a shower... It'll be a sterile, fully stocked, Emergency Room."

Leslie's argument was sound. As soon as Ellis was done, Uncle Peter and I supplied Leslie with the equipment she needed to build her ER.

[Don't you love the title of this chapter? At least it's honest. Also please remember to vote.]