Agoraphobia

Day 815 (Our First Law)

In the morning, Uncle Peter and I ate campfire-fried eggs, did some light chores to keep the farm animals happy, took a relaxing walk, then went to the Main House.

Grandpa Kevin was in the kitchen with Lenny, Mom, and Dad. There was a HUGE stack of unwashed dishes in the sink, forlorn due to a lack of water. The stove's fire was out, and the firewood bin was empty.

Uncle Peter walked over to Grandpa Kevin. "Dad, in a little bit, I'm going to call a community meeting. Up to now, you've been undermining my authority regarding Jeannie. That needs to stop. Right now, I need your support."

"I was concerned you were going to shoot Jeannie in front of everyone," divulged Grandpa Kevin. "There are kids in the house. I—"

Uncle Peter cut him short with a polite raising of his hand. "Dad, you're just going to have to trust me."

A couple of beats passed while Grandpa Kevin appeared to be studying his son's face. "Okay... In the meantime, I suggest you bring in water and firewood, so we can ALL have a nice lunch. Everyone will be much more receptive to what you have to say at the meeting if they're not thirsty and hungry."

"Wow!" I smiled. "Now THERE are the people skills I've been waiting for!"

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After everyone had eaten lunch and had their fill of lemonade, a community meeting was called. ALMOST everyone was crowded in the living room. Jeannie was absent.

Uncle Peter rang the bell to get their attention. A hush fell over the crowd. "Dad, please bring Jeannie in here. If she refuses to come, have Scarlett and Jerry help you."

"You got it," replied Grandpa Kevin dutifully as he proceeded to squeeze his way through the crowd.

The crowd began to murmur, but suddenly fell silent when they heard yelling. I couldn't make out much of it out. But I distinctly heard Jeannie screech: "You can't make me!!", "Jesus will come!!", and "I have rights!!"

Both my parents went to help Grandpa Kevin.

There was more hysterical yelling from Jeannie, with only a few phrases coming in clearly such as: "Get your hands off me, whore!!" and "I demand a lawyer!!". Then we heard something break and a furor of violent sounds peppered with screams and unanswered calls to Jesus.

A minute later, my mother pushed her way through the crowd with Jeannie in a chokehold. "Out of my way, damn it!" Dad and Grandpa Kevin rode in her wake. Mom flung Jeannie on the floor. Jeannie laid there, obviously terrified.

"Attention, everyone!" announced Uncle Peter, pulling a sheet of paper from his pocket. A new hush fell over the crowd, replacing the old hush that was lost earlier. Uncle Peter cleared his throat and started to read, "Some of you are under the mistaken belief I intend to kill Jeannie. I do not. Of the four people I've killed, all four had, at some point, attempted to kill me or were threatening to kill all of you. Jeannie is a bitch, but I don't kill people just for being bitchy. If I did, I'd have certainly killed Jeannie a long time ago." A handful of people quietly snickered. "Regarding my earlier outburst, I sincerely apologize. I overreacted. However, no one was harmed, and I didn't even lay a hand on her." There were a couple acknowledging nods in the crowd.

"Repeatedly, I've ordered Jeannie to keep her religious talk away from me and my family. Why? Because I HATE religion. I hate how it brainwashes the vulnerable. How it indoctrinates helpless children. I hate the superstitions. The rituals. The condescending attitude. I hate the oppression. The pedophilia. The sexism. The terrorism. I hate how religion manipulated the government while it enjoyed a tax-exempt status. I hate how it hampers social development and impedes scientific progress. I hate how it oppresses women and vilifies homosexuals. And the hypocrisy... The hypocrisy I hate most of all. From the millionaire evangelists lamenting the plight of starving children, to the ululating howls of saber-rattling Muslims killing for peace... The common thread tying them all together is... hypocrisy.

"So this is how I intend to punish Jeannie... I intend to END religion in public. No one in this community is ever allowed to express or promote any kind of religion in PUBLIC. If someone wants to pray quietly to their imaginary friend in private, that's fine. But all public places are now 100% godless.

"Furthermore, Jeannie's Sunday school is now closed. Children in this community will NOT be indoctrinated. They will not be brainwashed. They will be taught about science, math, art, engineering, biology, medicine, chemistry, psychology, music, archaeology, agriculture, physics, but NOT religion. Never religion. From the time they are able to walk, they will be taught the scientific method and how it can be employed to unlock the secrets of the universe. Let me make this clear... This isn't a 'suggestion'. This is LAW! Freedom from religion is now this community's first law. Our highest law. Our prime directive.

"If you think this is unfair, just say so, and I'll transplant you immediately to the 'Bad Dad House'. There, you can preach your little hearts out. So if anyone within the sound of my voice no longer wishes to live in this godless community, speak now or forever hold your peace." There was a long period of tense silence. But no one responded. Even Jeannie didn't speak up. "Fine! By the power vested in me as the leader of this community, I hereby declare 'Freedom From Religion' to be our first official law. This concludes our meeting." The crowd dispersed a bit, and people started to talk among themselves in hush tones.

"Come on, Samber," directed Uncle Peter. "We have a lot of chores to catch up on. In particular, we have three days' worth of feces to haul away."

My face dropped. "Oh, goody."

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