Agoraphobia

Day 1 - 4779 (Diary)

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The following are selected entries taken from Nichole Gibbons's diary.

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May 29th, - Jimmy came home in an agoraphobia-induced panic. Now all three of us are trapped! I kept trying to call 9-1-1 and Christine's hotel in Hawaii, but the connection wouldn't hold. Now we can't even get a dial tone. The power is out. So is the cable and Internet. Without power, we can't pump water from our well. That's not good. We have plenty of food, but we still need water. Early this morning, the president released a speech that was not the least bit helpful. Damn useless politician! Apparently, the agoraphobia epidemic has peaked at 99%.

May 30th, - Jimmy's flaky nephew, Peter, came to the house to check on us. Apparently, the outbreak is worse than 99%. According to Peter, he's the only one who's not agoraphobic. Normally, Peter couldn't find his dick if it glowed in the dark. But somehow, he managed to nigger-rig the pump so it would work by hand. He pumped in enough water to last us two weeks. I'm worried about Christine and Terry. I'm not even sure if they are still in Hawaii or stuck at an airport someplace. I asked Peter to check on my parents and sister in Effingham. He said he couldn't do so today or tomorrow, but he did promise to get around to them in a reasonable amount of time.

June 9th, (tenth day) - Peter stopped by today. But he still hasn't checked on my parents and sister! It's been ten days! They could be in real trouble!

June 22nd, (twenty-third day) - Peter gave us no choice but to move. The anxiety we suffered was the most horrible experience of my life. Jimmy, Ned, and I are now trapped in an overcrowded farm house with dozens of bickering refugees. It's cramped and chaotic. The people here are frustrated and scared. Pretty soon, a leader is going to emerge, and I want to make sure it's Jimmy. He's the only man here I can trust.

June 23rd, (twenty-fourth day) - Peter has anointed himself supreme leader and appointed Kevin and Scarlett to be in charge while he's gone. When I asked Scarlett: "When will free and open elections be held?" she laughed. I fear we're witnessing the death of American democracy.

June 25th, (twenty-fifth day) - Everyone here has lost so much. We don't even have basic amenities like TOILETS anymore! This might be what it takes to survive, but it's no way to live.

August 28th, (ninety days) - Peter lied. It's been three months, and he never went to Effingham. I don't think he ever intended to go there. He promised to save my sister and parents, and now they're dead! He killed them as surely as if he slit their throats. He said "Effingham is effing-far away," and he didn't have "time" to save my parents. But he had time to save that spic, Marta, and her anchor baby, Ittel. He had time to pick up his sister in St. Louis. Why not MY sister!? Why not my parents!?! Effingham is only 120 miles away! That's only a two and a half hour drive! Peter is a liar and a killer!

August 29th, (ninety-one days) - Not a day goes by I don't think about Christine. Not knowing what has happened to our little girl is agony for Jimmy and me. Sometimes, I think my heart will break from the pain. Other times, I'm so angry, I want to lash out at the whole world.

August 31st, (ninety-three days) - Peter robbed a police officer today. Now he has a fucking gun! Mister Anti-NRA is now toting around a stolen firearm! What a hypocrite! Peter has become a little Hitler. Only Peter is worse. At least Hitler was elected.

April 18th, (322 days) - I've talked with Kevin, Scarlett, and Peter about when we can expect elections. Kevin was polite, but gave me the runaround. Scarlett refused to even consider the idea. And Peter just answered, "Eventually, but not for the foreseeable future." That's dictator-talk for "never".