choke ↣ joshler ✓

35. Funeral

It was Sunday. The second Sunday after Jenna's death. The first Sunday Tyler and his dad stayed home, not being able to bring themselves to go to church. This Sunday was Jenna's funeral. It was at the church and as soon as Tyler walked into the building, guilt flooded his body just like it did when he first found out.

He felt his hand get a reassuring squeeze and looked over to see Josh offering him a small smile. Tyler's dad was in front of them, leading the two towards the chapel. Chris had told Tyler he could bring Josh to the funeral the night before when he was crying so hard he could barely breathe. He told Tyler he figured having the extra support would help.

It definitely did.

They walked in and headed towards a row of pews towards the front. Tyler spotted Jenna's parents and when he saw how broken they looked the guilt only increased tenfold.

Chris approached them and they stood up, hugging him. Debbie was the first to receive an embrace and once she pulled back she saw Tyler. Tears gathered in the brunette's eyes and he looked down shamefully. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

He felt arms wrap around him and realized Debbie was hugging him too. "It's not your fault," she sniffled. "I know ya said that awful stuff 'nd I know ya wish ya could take it back but ya can'. Jenna never took it personally. She was jus' worried about ya. Don' beat yourself up over it."

Tyler nodded against her shoulder before pulling back and wiping his tears. He saw Greg looking at him and he offered Tyler a reassuring smile, tears gathering in his own eyes. It helped that her parents didn't blame him but he still wished he could've apologized before she died.

"Who's this?" Debbie asked, pointing to Josh.

"This is Josh," Tyler introduced. "My..."

"Boyfriend," Chris finished, smiling slightly. "Josh is his boyfriend."

"Thank ya for comin'," Debbie nodded gratefully.

"I didn' know Jenna but 'm so sorry for ya loss," he spoke sincerely and Tyler saw tears fill his eyes as well. He had never seen Josh cry and it was alarming yet comforting. He wanted to take the pain away but it was reassuring that he felt pain. "'M here ta support Tyler but really my heart goes out."

"Thank ya," Greg smiled slightly even though he was crying.

Tyler looked over and saw the casket. It was closed and he wondered why.

"We're gettin' her cremated after the ceremony," Debbie informed when she saw Tyler looking. "There's no way 'm leavin' my baby girl in this God forsaken town," her voice cracked. "We woulda made it open casket but her body was so..." she trailed off, letting out a sob. Greg pulled her in for a hug and she cried hysterically into her husbands arms.

Tyler felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to go home and hide under his bed and never leave again. Despite his feelings, he did what he did next because he knew if he didn't he would regret it forever.

"I'll be right back," he told his father and Josh before walking towards the casket. Although it was closed he still needed to say something. He leaned down so his head was laying sideways on top of it. "I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered, letting a tear slip onto the wood. He looked at it and watched it fall down the side and onto the ground. He wiped his face before walking back over.

Josh pulled him in for a side hug and kissed his forehead. Tyler sniffled and melted into his touch.

He was lucky to have friends for the first time in his life and he appreciated them but he definitely did not have this much drama when he was lonely.

---

It was after the ceremony and Tyler and Josh were waiting inside the church by the entrance. Tyler's dad was talking to some people that had come so the two high schoolers were waiting patiently since Chris had driven them both there.

"Are ya okay?" Josh asked from where he sat on the bench across from Tyler.

"What kind of question is that?" Tyler asked, laughing humorlessly. "No, I'm not."

"What can I do to make ya feel better?"

Tyler sighed. "Nothing I guess. I don't know. So much is going on right now."

"I know," Josh nodded. "I love ya."

"I love you too," Tyler smiled, looking at him. Despite all the negative feelings he's gotten that day his love for his boyfriend was a positive one that would always be there. "What did you do last night?"

Josh hesitated for a moment before answering. "Not much. Jus' laid in bed 'nd talked ta Brendon on the phone."

"How's he doing?" Tyler asked softly. "I try talking to him but every time I do he just gives me a short or vague answer."

"He could be better," the pink haired shrugged. "He ain't takin' it too well. He hasn' gotten any updates on Dal either. 'M gettin' worried."

"I mean I wasn't close to him but like... I don't know. I didn't think that would happen. He didn't even seem surprised when he was arrested. It was like he was waiting for it to happen.

"Maybe he was."

Tyler let that sink in. He realized he was a lot like Dallon. They both knew bad things were happening and they both sat there and waited for disaster to strike. If Dallon got the bad ending, did that mean Tyler would get it too?

Tyler was about to speak up again when his dad hurried up them. "C'mon boys we gotta go," he opened the doors to the church. "Now."

Tyler and Josh shared a look of confusion and followed Chris out to the car. "Dad? What's going on?"

"I gotta get ya back to the house," he began. "There was another death. Some kid around your age. Suicide."

Tyler blinked. Another tally to the death count. It seemed almost normal at this point. "Do you know who it was?"

"It jus' got called in," Chris pulled out of the parking lot and began driving home alarmingly fast. "His name was Frank Iero."