It was the fifth time Harry canceled on me in the last month. I tried so hard to understand, but it felt like things were getting out of hand. I turned over in our large bed, slipping away from his side that smelled so much like he did.
It was almost three a.m., but I hadn’t been able to fall asleep yet. Deciding sleep wasn’t coming, I quickly logged onto my Macbook. Skype signed me in automatically, and it wasn’t three minutes before I heard the all too familiar pinging of an incoming call.
-HStyles would like to video chat with you-
I tried to tame my hair the best I could, but I found I didn’t really care. I sighed as I hit accept, waiting for the window to load properly. As much as I loved Harry, he wasn’t my favorite person at the moment, and the last person I wanted to speak with right now because I knew a fight was imminent.
“Hi babe,” he said, his voice deep and husky. I instantly wondered if he’d been napping or if it had just been so long since I had heard his voice on anything but the telephone that I no longer recognized what he sounded like.
“Hi,” I replied coolly, typing a Facebook message.
“Why are you awake? It’s so late, you need your sleep.”
“Hard to sleep when you’re thinking.” He laughed lightly but I could tell it was forced.
“Sounds dangerous,” he murmured. “Should I ask what you’re thinking about?”
Finally working up the courage to click on his window, I felt my heart constrict. His curls were pulled back into a dark brown beanie, his bangs pulled off his forehead. That was something that happened rarely, but I loved it. Harry was also shirtless, of course, something that seemed to be more normal than him actually wearing a shirt. His long necklace hung low between his thin clavicles, my eyes tracing its trail.
He smirked as he caught you watching him through the camera. “I know what you’re thinking about now.”
I managed a grin, but it didn’t do lessen the annoyance I felt. I’d been upset for a few days now, but I couldn’t get in touch with him to talk about it. The sinking feeling I had in my stomach multiplied as I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing would come out.
“(Y/N)?” Harry called, bring me from my reverie. “You haven’t spoken.”
“Yeah, just…” I paused for a moment, chewing on my bottom lip.
“Talk to me, please. Are you mad at me?”
I blinked a few times, clearing my throat. “No, Harry. I’m not mad. Not at you, anyway.” I watched his dimples fall, his eyes no longer shining.
“What did I do?” He whispered.
“It’s just, well, we’ve been together for almost two years now. And I know music is your number one priority. I get it. It should be.” I stopped speaking for a moment, collecting my thoughts. Harry began a sentence, but I cut him off. “Let me finish, please. I want to get this out.”
“I know you’re busy and that’s not your fault. But I can’t keep on like this: not sleeping because you haven’t called, not going out because you’re not here, I can’t. Eventually, I want to settle down and have children, live a stable life. And I know you feel the same. But it’s too hard. I love you, Harry, probably more than life itself but I’m not strong enough to keep going like this-“
“You don’t think I want the same things? You don’t think I want to be home with you? Spending every second holding you? Laughing at nothing like we used to? Don’t you know I’d love to come home to you, settle down, have tons and tons of beautiful babies that look just like you? Have a normal job like everyone else? But (Y/N), singing’s what I do; you know that.”
