Flutter by, Butterfly

Chapter 3

"Alejandro? Is everything okay, buddy?" asked the host.

A dark shadow passed his face. Alejandro smiled to cover up his pain.

"Ah, memories," he said. "Amigo, why don't you tell the little chica here what else you have up your sleeve?"

"That sounds like a great idea," said the host, happy to change the subject. "Jani, our people have been told how much you love animals, and how you visit your local shelter every weekend. Why don't you share with everyone what you do with these animals?"

Wait. How did he now that? Who was "the people," and why were they following me? I could feel my resting bitch face stay in place to mask my insecurities.

"I visit the animal shelter and I take an animal to a nursing home to visit," I said in monotone.

"Awww...." droned on the audience. I sunk a little deeper inside myself. I wasn't used to positive feedback at all.

"And what do you do with these animals when you take them there?" asked the host.

"I take them from room to room where the elderly can pet them."

"Have you ever had a patient not want one before?"

"Every once in a while."

"What do you do in those moments?"

"I give them their space."

"Does that happen often?"

"Not really."

"It's my understanding that one patient turns you down every week."

I knew who he was talking about. Her name was Julia. She had Alzheimer's. She just wanted to be left alone most of the time.

"I don't really count her. She's just old and cranky."

Alejandro looked at me thoughtfully. The host asked, "And yet, you keep offering her an animal, even knowing that she's going to reject it?"

I felt myself sinking again. "You never know when she may change her mind."

"You mean, IF she changes her mind?"

"Yeah, maybe." I hung my head. "But I would rather take a chance to be rejected, than risk not trying at all. No matter how many times it has happened before, it does not change that today is a new day."

"That sounds like some very logical advice to me," said the host.

The people clapped. I could feel a change from Alejandro. Was that a small tick in his eye? It was too subtle for most to take notice, but it changed him. The individual that took me backstage was warm and comforting. This one was all smiles and talk. He talked with the host, and cracked jokes with him like I was not even there. The host attempted to get me to talk a couple of times, but this time Alejandro acted like he wanted all of the spotlight. It was mentioned of the nursing homes and the animal shelters I visited, and how you can adopt one, or visit an old person; but all the friendliness was gone. It was just like dealing with my parents and peers: all business. I even had the feeling he was annoyed that I did not worship the ground he walked on or something.

Near the end of the show, Alejandro was to sing one of his hit songs. The moment the music played, I could feel him change again. This one was one of his more upbeat numbers. He felt.....reckless? The one before was all arrogance and pride. This one was like a burning flame.

I began to wonder about him. Was he mentally unstable? Could he have bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or maybe multi-personality disorder?

It was my habit to wear my mask when I was in deep thought: show no emotion, don't let your feelings show. It was my coping mechanism throughout my school career, and also when I returned home that night. It did not do anything to prepare me how to interact on national television, even for one day. While all these thoughts were going through my head, I wore my mask without even realizing it. I appeared cold and distant. In the end, even the host couldn't wait for me to get off of the show.