Flutter by, Butterfly

Chapter 30

I woke up to the sound of something spinning on the hard earth floor. I looked over at Alejandro, sprawled on the floor on his belly. He looked up at me with eyes of innocence. I recognized those eyes. I suspected from before that he was younger than the others, but I wondered why I had never noticed how young they were before.

"Hello there," I said. "Can I play with you?"

"Okay." He looked uncertain.

I went to him clad in my white nightgown. It wasn't exactly super-modest, but it covered everything. We took turns pulling the string, watching the top spin.

"Are you going to take away my spin-tops?"

"I wouldn't do that to you."

"You took away Ferdinand."

"I gave him back to you."

"Why won't they let me keep him?"

I knew he was talking about the other Alejandro personalities.

"I think they keep giving him back to me because they knew I missed you."

"You missed me?"

"Yes."

"Do you like me?"

"I do."

Little Loki closed his hand over mine. He gently ran his hand up my arm to my cheek. This was not the type of touching that should come from a child.

"Loki?"

"I'll be good."

He then tried to kiss me.

"Wait.... Loki...."

His touch grew more forceful. "Let me do it!"

He fully sat up.

"If you let me love you, he will love me," he said. He touched himself. "Right here."

My eyes widened, and I recoiled away. "Oh my god! What did your father do to you?"

"My father loves me."

"No. No! This is NOT what love looks like!"

"If I don't, Papi takes Mama away."

"Your father can't hurt her anymore. Or you. I won't LET him!"

Loki looked at me uncertainly.

"You promise?"

"Yes, I do."

"No more shows?"

"No more."

He gave me a calculating look.

"What if I don't want to stop?"

"Loki, I don't know what happened to you, but this was wrong. Your mother never would have wanted this to happen to you."

Loki looked guilty. "If I said no, Papi said he would tie Mama up and make her watch. It had to be our secret so she wouldn't know."

A sound of pure agony escaped my lips. The tears began to flow.

"Jani," said Loki. "You cry like Mama. Why?"

"Because this is wrong! All of it!"

I cupped his face in my hands.

"You are precious! Your body is sacred. Your father was supposed to protect you, AND your mother."

I wept. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."